(Or . . . Why can’t I just let go and be in the flow like everyone says I should be?)

When I was growing up, everything bothered me. Everything upset me. Everything made me cry. Everything scared me. Everything was hard.

Now, the word of the day is “trigger.”

“It’s such a trigger for me,” we say. “You’re triggering me.” “You know that triggers me.” “If you know that’s a trigger for me, why don’t you stop doing it/saying it?”

What’s the one thing all these ways we express ourselves have in common? Well, I hate to say it, but it’s that all of them are putting the reason (the blame) for our being triggered on the person, place, or thing that’s getting in the way of our comfort.

• “The scent in here drives me crazy; I hate scented candles.”
• “He knows I hate to be yelled at, so why can’t he learn to lower his voice?”
• “I can’t stand green pepper, so why would they put it in the food?”

  

All of these statements have something else in common, too: They all express significantly low-vibration language, use of which, frankly, probably won’t catapult you into a *high-frequency life.*

Please understand that I’m not complaining about other people’s complaining about their triggers–as such. I’m not saying that we all don’t have valid reasons for having developed our triggers. Things like poor parenting, growing up with abuse, feeling ignored, unloved, unappreciated. We could go on and on. Most of us have at least one or two, if not dozens, of things that draw us in like a spider to a fly. “Come on in, you’ll love it in here.” And then . . . ZAP! You’re caught in the middle of something from which not only does it appear there is no escape but that sends you spiraling into the HSP’s Land of the Lost.

What really matters, though, is that at some point in our lives, we start to look at our triggers as something we have at some point decided we are willing to react to instead of something happening to us that we cannot control.

No, we can’t control someone who decides to yell or put green pepper in our dinner. But we certainly have a say about our reaction to it.

I’ve learned the following:

1. Going around all day talking about the things that trigger me only triggers me more.
2. Using language that has a low frequency like “I hate it when you…” “Why is this happening to me?” “It’s not fair…” “They should know it hurts me…” are all downers. Say them out loud or hear someone else say them and immediately the energy in the room goes south. If and when YOU say it, your own vibration has just crashed.
3. Talking about what triggers me triggers me into finding reasons I’m triggered that justify my reaction.
4. Talking to others about the fact that I was triggered by someone or something feels satisfyingly reassuring.
5. I like being reassured because it feels like someone is responding to my need for understanding or love or support or whatever else I want

If I turn my low-frequency HSP language into high-frequency language, the Land of the Lost turns into the Land of the Found.

Let’s start with the triggering episode.

Trigger: My friend is upset and has been talking to me in a louder-than-usual voice.

Response: I’m immediately back in my childhood being yelled at by my father. I can’t hear anything my friend is saying because all I want to do is run and hide and cry and scream. In the corner.

Reaction: I yell at my friend, “You know that I can’t hear you if you raise your voice to me! You know my father used to yell at me and I hate that. Why are you yelling at me?”

What’s really going on: Deflection, Victimization, Defensiveness, Justification, Avoidance, Blame, and Self-righteousness–not that there’s not a whole lot of hurt in there, too.

What I do differently

Trigger: My friend is upset and has been talking to me in a louder-than-usual voice.

Response: I’m immediately back in my childhood being yelled at by my father. I can’t hear anything my friend is saying because all I want to do is run and hide and cry and scream. In the corner.

Realization: Wow. I’m really out of alignment here. I know what brought it on and I don’t particularly enjoy it, but even if it feels uncomfortable, it’s a huge opportunity to work on pulling in my psychic octopus tentacles and practice my newfound awareness that I have the wherewithal to reflect on what I’m feeling even as I’m feeling it. Even a moment of objectivity in that kind of situation can switch off the “I’m freaking out” and switch on the “Oh, how interesting” switch.

One step back = a giant leap forward.

TIP OF THE DAY:

1. Write a list of 10 things that trigger you.
2. Put a checkmark next to all the ones that feel justified based on your life experience.
3. Now erase them.

The post Why Does Everything In the World Seem To Trigger Me So Much? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

BREATHE

She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,

And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

By: Becky Hemsley

I can relate, Becky Hemsley. I can definitely relate.

I read this poem on Facebook and recognized, as did the person who posted it, how much it reflects the life so many of us have led as High Sensitives (of any gender!).

The image in the post shows a tree (enhanced by an artist, apparently) into the body of a woman stretching upward and outward toward the sky. While some might see the image suggesting a plea of “Why me?” it could also be suggestive of someone reaching to the skies, empowered and alive, and grounded into the earth and a sense of self.

I’ll take Door #2, please.

Today I had a client who arrived to see with with a whole boatload of fear and anxiety. This client is almost 90 years old and has been a teacher and psychotherapist for many years. For a lot of those years she has successfully worked on herself to unravel the emotional issues that seemed to bind her to old ways of thinking about herself and the world, and has helped numerous clients of her own on that journey. That’s why, when she found herself unexpectedly “triggered” bigtime by a situation that came up, she called me.

You see, no matter how much we grow, stretch, and reach for spiritual connection and evolution and the groundedness that goes along with it, we also need to realize that We. Are. Still. Human.

There will always be that part of us—often a deeply subconscious or hidden part—that remembers the way things were in The Past. That great vast valley of old insecurities that arise just at the exact moment we need them to remind us to once again step up to the plate…that it’s time to level up once more on our spiritual path.

Being human also means we cannot, nor should we have to, or feel we have to, go it alone. Healers and light workers and mediums and meditators and caregivers—we all need to connect with others in the community of HSPs when it gets tough to make sure our feet stay planted in the ground on that journey of leveling up.

We may all be human and we may all be individual trees, but we are all one human among other humans and one tree among all the other trees in the forest.

The post Life As An HSP Doesn’t Mean A Life of Going It Alone first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

By far the most common questions I get from HSPs are, “Why can’t I be normal like everyone else?” “Why do I have to be so sensitive?” And “Why can’t other people understand and make it easier for me?”

My answers are simple:

1.  There is no normal.
2.  You are yourself and that’s as normal as it gets.
3.  Once you see your sensitivities as abilities meant to be celebrated, not something to bemoan, you’ll never see life the same way again.

I know, I know. Easier said than done. But not really. Not once you make a small shift in your way of thinking and have a few basic tools.

Let’s look at these beliefs in more detail.

As soon as we start believing that we, as HSPs, are different in a way that makes us vulnerable, we are viewing ourselves as victims. We say we want to be “normal,” but normal is nothing more than deciding we’d be better off not being who we are. We’d be better off being like “other people.” Neither of which is true. The reality is that being highly sensitive can mean a truly wonderful existence. But only if and when we are ready to stop believing that it’s up to other people to be different and do things differently for us. To make us feel better. To make us happier. To make things easier.

We’d all like to live in a world that is willing to accommodate us so we feel comfortable.

As soon as something happens to “make us” uncomfortable, we immediately feel the need—the compulsion—to make the world shift itself around in order for us to remain or revert to our comfortable spot. Feeling

• put out
• unlike yourself
• like a fish out of water
• like something is off…

. . . All these sensations cause such discomfort that we will do just about anything to change how we feel. There’s overindulging, avoiding, distracting, blaming…the list of potential ways to deny the discomfort is endless.

The bottom line

The bottom line, however unfortunate it seems, is this: Our sensitivity may be heightened, but we can never really expect the world to accommodate us.

I have come to realize that it is up to me to learn to be in my own alignment so the world does not “trigger me.” Saying that someone or something “triggers us” is like admitting that we have absolutely no power. That we are at the mercy of other people, whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, and the greater environment.

For years I asked myself, “Do I really want to live like this? I am such a victim of everything and everyone. There has to be a way to change the way I am—without sacrificing my sensitivity. Because my sensitivity is what makes me extra loving, extra generous and kind, extra compassionate, extra creative, extra empathetic, and extraordinary. Basically, just plain extra.”

The answer was NO! Which is why somehow, I had to tap into what would invite me to use all those wonderful traits without being constantly at risk for falling apart.

Yes, the world might feel threatened by the high sensitive’s ability to love and care, but only because, without realizing it, they are feeling the powerful vibration of our love energy. And when people feel threatened, they tend to go into flight or fight mode.

But on my part, there is another possibility for how I respond. I learned that I do not need to protect myself from these people. I don’t need to push against, hope for, change circumstances, wish things were different or people were different. All I have to do is learn to be in alignment with my highest self and love being there. Every day, in every way, over and over and over.

I learned that you don’t need to conquer fear and anxiety, but rather exist in your own state of natural harmony. You don’t need to avoid triggers, but rather not feel triggered in the first place. No matter what has happened in our past.

I have spent years developing tools to help others do the very same thing and without exception, it changes everything. [Check out my posts on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System.]

“Why can’t people understand that I’m sensitive and that I can’t help it?” Because it’s up to us as HSPs to develop our own sense of what’s normal–and love it.

I’ll say it again. I know it sounds simplistic.

But if I can do it, so can you.

The post Why can’t people understand that I’m sensitive and that I can’t help it? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Getting shots has never been my idea of fun.

The past

When I was a little kid, my mother took us to a pediatrician named Dr. Glazer. Dr. Glazer was a brusque, no-nonsense kind of man. I assume he liked kids, being a kid doctor and all, but I was always sort of nervous around him. Sure, I only saw him for things like vaccines or when I was sick, but I never felt a bunch of warm fuzzies from the good doctor. Like I said, he was all business.

Case in point.

By the time came for the shot in the arm, I was already crying. Dr. Glazer and my mom muttered a few “Come on, now, it’s not that bad” and “It’ll be over before you know it” to placate me, but then things took a turn. Dr. Glazer, with a needle that seemed as long as his arm and raised above his head, would wheel his way from the counter to the examining table.  When he reached my side and took hold of my arm, my heart beat so fast I’d feel faint. And this is when he’d say, “I’m going to give you a little jab now, but you tell me when to stop, okay?”

A couple of seconds later, my eyes closed, I’d be crying, “Stop…stop, please stop” to see he had already removed the needle and was readying my arm to receive a Barbie Band-Aid and a lollipop. (It’s not like he was a dentist or anything. Although now, looking back on it, I sort of think doctors and dentists might be in cahoots like that.)

Anyway, the point is that there were several seconds—very, very long seconds—where I was sure that needle was still in my arm and panicking. Talk about trauma.

I’m willing to concede that Dr. Glazer probably used this little trick on all his small patients. And maybe it worked wonder with some of us with a fear of needles, though I don’t see how. I also understand how reverse psychology can work the same kind of wonder with some behavior trends. Again, though, not so much with me.

Why?

• Fear of the unknown.
• Fear of the known.
• Fear of the pain.
• Fear there might be pain.
• Fear that something that is sure to be painful will last a lot longer than you’ll be able to handle.

Need I go on?

The present

Today, being of a certain age, and having received quite a few shots in my time, I was not especially looking forward to the two vaccines I needed. In fact, as soon as I sat down in the chair and the technician started preparing her paraphernalia (I don’t even like saying the word “needle”), I closed my eyes and thought, Sometimes I wish I weren’t so darn sensitive.

The event

But then . . .

Guess what happened? I kind of Zenned out. I pulled in my little Psychic Octopus and told myself it would be over in seconds and I’d forget all about it. That I was grateful for the ability to receive the shot. That whatever it was in the shot would keep me healthy and that I was accepting it willingly and with loving intention.

And by the time I’d completed my little ritual of gratitude and self-awareness, the ordeal–the shot–really was over and the technician was placing a bright red Band-Aid on my arm. (No, no Barbie Band-Aids this time—which is fine because I’d never played with Barbie dolls anyway. I did note the box of min-Tootsie Roll Pops in the corner, but stifled my feeling of deservedness post-shot.)

What my HSP-ness has taught me to do

As an HSP, over time, and with the tools I’ve developed, I’ve learned to “unanticipate” certain events. Instead of spending my time and energy wishing I didn’t have to do something, anticipating how difficult or horrible or challenging or disturbing or sad or uncomfortable or painful an event might be, I think about other things. I remind myself that “this time tomorrow it’ll all be over” and “I’d rather be thinking about other things I like to think about.”

I don’t really know for sure whether the energies I’d pick up in the past were from other people in the environment, like doctors, nurses, other patients, my mother, etc., or were of my own projection, but being inside my own energy is such a relief.

My prescription? The HSP Prescription: Take One Dose of the HSP Toolbox Daily

Take one capsule of Psychic Octopus, one capsule of Being in Your Own Unique Alignment, and one capsule of Self-Love daily for symptoms—and celebration– of your HSP-ness.

The post The HSP Prescription: Take One Dose of the HSP Toolbox Daily first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Today I met with someone who labeled himself as “autistic, on the spectrum.” I really wanted to know what that label meant to him. As our conversation deepened, it occurred to me that many of the ways he was describing himself sounded a lot like the ways HSPs describes themselves. Which got me to wondering where the overlap was, where HSP-ness and autism might coexist. I’m fairly sure the list of triggers looks something like this:

• You feel unsure, uncomfortable, anxious in social situations
• You are easily overstimulated, overwhelmed
• You find it hard to understand signals from other people—even if you feel what they’re feeling intensely
• You find it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own
• You find it hard to express how you feel—even when/if you’re feeling what you feel intensely
• You feel out of place in the world in general

I do not raise this question to challenge anyone’s labeling of others or labeling of self. If the label is helpful, wear it! On the other hand, I’m all about moving past the label into a higher/deeper sense of awareness and consciousness around that label to get to a shift in dynamics, perspective, and quality of life.

Living with the label

It seems to me that whichever label you choose, if you “suffer” from any or all of the responses listed above, what really matters is what to do about it. Today, for example, it was interesting to note that “John” led the conversation with a disclaimer. “It took me a long time to learn I was autistic. My ex-wife and I had always agreed that ‘something was wrong with me, that there was something missing.’”

What’s even more interesting is that so many of the people who come to see me start out with the same kind of disclaimer. “It’s just that I’m too sensitive about everything. I cry too much. I feel too much. I don’t want to be this way, but I don’t know how to stop.”

What if . . . ?

What if we were to ask different questions? What if we asked:

• How our perception of who we are might change based on how we labeled ourselves.
• How the traits we do have benefit us in ways we may not have appreciated before.
• How, instead of locking down, shutting out, tuning out, hiding, etc., we might tune into the senses we have to fully take advantage of them.

For example, I know someone who “is autistic,” who is clearly much more intuitive than he gives himself credit for. He’d rather be just about anywhere than in a crowd of people. Ditto for another person I know who is “highly sensitive.”

We are not talking about extremes! HSP-ism and autism both run the gamut in terms of symptoms and manifestations. With that said, once we change our approach, new doors open, new possibilities emerge, new ways of thinking and living and being often encourage a shift in the core of the Self.

****

Check out my posts on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System. Visit me at heidiconnolly.com for private coaching sessions, healing music, and other offerings.

Thank you for shining your light into the world!

The post HSP or Autistic? How much does a label matter? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

HSPs & the Red Coat: Part 1

When something feels like yours, isn’t it yours? Remember the Bible story of “Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors”? In a nutshell, Joseph, his father’s favorite son, was gifted a magnificent coat, which made his brothers jealous. So jealous that they hatched a plot to sell him into slavery for 20 pieces of silver. In Egypt, Joseph’s his gift for telling the future helped him turn his fortunes. Let’s take a look at what happens when you’re around “someone else’s coat.”

HSPs & the Red Coat Questions:

• Is your “coat” like Joseph’s?
• Is it really yours?
• Does it really have your UES, your Unique Energetic Signature?

We’ve been talking about your Psychic Octopus for a while now, and have started to get into the nitty-gritty of how to apply that life-altering tool with the last couple of posts on your Psychic Sponge (Energetic Sponge). But which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

In other words, “wringing out” sponge energy that you may have soaked up from your environment is a great thing, but until you recognize you’ve taken it on, there’s not much you can do about it. Which brings us to the next critical bit of information to ensure your roadmap to amplifying your vibration and celebrating your sensitivities takes you where you want to go!

* * * * * 

Present Day

You’ve just arrived for dinner at your favorite restaurant, a small, intimate place you’ve been going to for years. You’re wearing your favorite coat, the one you wear as often as weather permits. It’s red, with a velvet collar. It fits you to a T. It’s comfortable and luxurious at the same time, which isn’t the case with too many clothes, so when you wear it you feel fantastic. You especially love that the pockets are nice and deep so you can store things like your wallet and cell phone. When you wear it you couldn’t possibly feel more like you.

Anyway, there you are at the restaurant. You remove your special coat and hand it to the waiter who’s been there forever and knows you by name. You ask for Guido’s family and he asks for yours. He takes your coat to the coat room for safekeeping.

You have a meal that’s as tasty as ever (probably eggplant parm) and are ready to leave. Guido brings you your gorg red coat and helps you into it. It’s begun to snow outside and you are glad for its warmth as you pass through the door to walk home.

3 Months Later: Whose Coat Is It???

Your phone rings. It’s an unidentified number, so you let it go to voicemail and forget about it for a couple of days. When the same number calls through again, you’re distracted and pick it up automatically and say hello. The voice on the other end of the phone sounds hesitant.

“Um, I know this will sound strange,” says the voice, “but I really think you have my coat.”

“Um, I know this will sound strange,” the voice goes on, “but I really think you have my coat.”

You look at the phone, shocked. What is this person talking about? “What do you mean, I have your coat?” you repeat. “What are you talking about?”

“I know,” the voice says again, “it sounds crazy. But you were at Antonio’s Ristorante three months ago, right?”

“Well, yes,” you say slowly, thinking back, “but how did you know that? Who are you? What do you want?” You’re beginning to get suspicious.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad,” continues the voice. “It’s just that I really think you went home with my coat . . . and I went home with yours.”

“That’s impossible,” you say.

“Nooo, I don’t think so,” says the voice, irritatingly self-assured.

“I have that coat right here with me,” you say, well on the way to peeved. “It can’t possibly be yours. It’s my red coat with the black velvet collar. It fits me perfectly. I love this coat. I’ve had it for a long time and I’d know if it weren’t mine.”

“I’m really sorry,” says the voice once again, not really sounding sorry at all, “it’s just that if you look in the pocket you’ll find something I left in the pocket that’s really special to me. I thought I’d lost it, but then, when I was at Antonio’s last night, Guido thought I was you at first, that there was another customer who always wore the same red coat. That’s when I realized we’d probably walked off with the wrong coats.”

You can’t believe it. It’s ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense.

You can’t believe it. It’s ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense. How could something that feels so right not belong to you? You’ve worn it forever; wouldn’t you know if it was not yours? Wouldn’t you know by its feel or its smell? Still, you hesitate. Finally, you say, “Okay, so what you’re saying is that you left something in the pocket that you want back, right?”

“That’s right,” says the voice. “Can you check for me?”

You sigh. This really feels like a very strange conversation. Although you are still not willing to admit the coat is not yours, if it were you, you know you’d want your coat back—or at least the thing in the coat that you thought you’d lost, so you slowly stick your hand in the left pocket and feel around. You remove a used tissue, a receipt, and a mint, but nothing else. You turn to the other pocket and, still feeling stupid, stick your hand in. Out comes another tissue and a stick of lip balm. You don’t feel much else. You’re relieved, much more relieved that you think the circumstances warrant, and you don’t know why.

“Nope, there’s nothing here,” you say, sounding a bit smug.

The voice sounds small this time. “Please,” it says, “could you check just once more? It’s really small, so it often slips way down into the corner of the pocket. It’s a little metal coin of an angel that my father gave me when I was little and before he died. It means a lot to me.”

You sigh an even bigger sign, but agree to check again when you hear the catch in their voice. This time, you make sure to delve deep down in the corner where you feel something that catches you up short. Sure enough, there’s something there, something small and thin and round. You almost don’t want to remove your hand to see what it is. Somehow you know this is the angel coin this person has lost.

Which is when the moment you realize that, if the coin in the pocket belongs to someone else, so does your coat. That it’s not your coat at all.

2 Days Later

You have just exchanged coats with the person who called you on the phone. You met at Antonio’s, which seemed appropriate. You looked at each other and took each other in. You’re about the same size, and have the same hair color, but other than that, you are not the same at all. When you offer back the angel coin to this person, you feel both uncomfortable and relieved. You cannot believe that all this time you were wearing a coat that you were convinced was yours, but belonged to someone else. You are thanked many times over by the person whose coat you were wearing and who was wearing your coat before they leave.

This is when you ask yourself the following questions:

• If wearing someone else’s coat can feel so right, can feel as if it’s mine without a shadow of a doubt, then what else could be going on here?
• What else am I believing is “mine” that really belongs to someone else?
• How do I know if/when I’m in my own Unique Energetic Signature or diddling around in someone else’s?
• What about all the feelings I feel and the thoughts that come into my head unbidden?
• When I feel sad or angry or upset, are those feelings really mine?
• Because if they’re not mine, I don’t really want them.
• If I know I don’t want them, how do I give them back—or not accept them at all?

These are questions you have never asked before, but realize in this moment of life-shattering brilliance that they could change your life.

* * * * * 

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 of “HSPs and the Red Coat.”

The post Your you feel what you feel, they’re your feelings…right? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

How do you become who you are? I’ve asked myself this question many times through the years, mostly because I’m so surprised at where I keep “ending up.” Especially since we all know that there is no “ending” until . . . well, there is.

No matter the length of the retrospective, it can be illuminating as a catalyst in moving forward. From the perspective of where I am now, I can understand a lot about how I got here. I grew up in an atmosphere of education and learning, equaled only by the ever-present churning inside me to comprehend the universe in a way that made sense. What a paradox it was! How do you live your life as a human when you feel like an alien species deposited in a strange land? When you’re sure you were left only with a wave and a vague suggestion to figure it out for yourself until the time comes for you to depart.

Low-functioning HSP-ism

I stumbled along. Sometimes severely low-functioning; often appearing high-functioning . . . the consummate HSP. That Highly Sensitive Person who felt everything 1000 times more than anyone else, could not understand the way the world worked or people behaved, or the way I was supposed to behave in it. A fish permanently out of water, gasping for breath every step of the way just to stay alive and moving from one day to the next, one crisis to the next.

The common traits of HSP-ism

I felt terrified, abused, ignored, overwhelmed. Over-protected, indulged, and loved–somewhat conditionally— based on my current level of handling whatever it was I was supposed to be handling. I was disillusioned by the world, but knew it was all my fault; blamed myself for being crazy, over-emotional, “too much.” I prayed to be understood, to feel accepted, yet only felt discouraged and unworthy. My life was guided by standards of achievement, which were expected to be met no matter the topic or goal. Loving intention in my environment, admittedly no small thing, could never be enough to mitigate how adrift I felt in my life.

Who were all these people around me who were so confident? How did they get that way? Why did I feel like crying all the damn time? What did they know that I didn’t know?

Death changes everything

Honestly, it was not until my husband Randy transitioned in 2012 that my life took the dramatic turn it apparently needed to clear the way for a true awakening. All the usual challenges—how to live without a beloved spouse, how to go about daily life when suddenly you are one, not a partnership of two, and so on—were enormous, yet it led to the emergent, deep-seated revelatory truth I’d been waiting for.

• Sure, I’d gone to Harvard University, yet never really understood how I got there or how I managed to graduate.
• Sure, I’d raised two children, much of the time as a single parent, yet felt terminally inadequate.
• Sure, I’d worked in some capacity for all these years—as a professional flautist, corporate trainer, counselor, medical transcriptionist, and longtime editor the owner of Harvard Girl Word Services—yet felt supremely unworthy of my own accomplishments.

The dark, dark night of the soul

Now, without my husband at my side, it was time to take a good, hard, long look at who I’d become—or hadn’t. I was 50+ years older, yet the same anxiety-ridden, prone-to-depression, fear-filled, tired person I had always been. Sometimes happier, sometimes sadder, sometimes more productive, sometimes less. But always, always, unsure of myself, my place in the world, my purpose.

On becoming high-functioning

High Sensitives like me—like us—can be really good at what we do. The thing is, we can be so filled with misgiving that we would rather stay anonymously in the background than stand out in the limelight. For example, I was happier to be praised for “channeling the messages” of others through writing than write material of my own—to put my name on the cover. To stay safe in a world where too much attention meant taking responsibility for the attention I might receive. The deep desire to be “seen” never surpasses our deeper need to stay hidden. Being discovered means being known for the fearful mess we can feel we are and are ashamed to be.

If any of this resonates with you, please know that the way ahead for you can be very different. You don’t have to wait until you’re 30 or 40 or 50 (the way I did) to feel inspired to live, and capable of living, a beautiful life.

What’s  your journey?

Of course, my journey is not yours. Writing a book with your dead husband after he’s transitioned about forming a relationship with those on the other side of the veil may not be in the stars for you. The only reason I am here now communicating with you, the HSPs of the world, is to share that you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You have so much more to offer the world than the world might acknowledge. Your talents and abilities are not only valid and valuable, but the very talents and abilities that keep the world in balance, keep it from going over to the dark side, and are the saving grace of all humanity.

Sure, it’s a big statement, but I stand behind it.

Tools & techniques for the HSPs of the world–for YOU!

With the incredible realizations and tools and techniques I have acquired along the way, however, I am no longer that person. The kernel of who I was remains, but instead of rotting away from neglect, it has happily blossomed into something, someone, authentic and alive and full of life.

No, it doesn’t always happen all at once. It was more like the unraveling of a slow-moving epiphany than a Big Bang. Like the psychic octopus: Learning that Heidi hadn’t really existed at all, just the energy of other people who’d been invited in to take residence in her mind, body, and spirit.

Like the UES: Learning that I had a Unique Energetic Signature all my own—that all I had to do was identify it, feel it, know it . . . live in it.

That’s what I’m here to share with you. The ideas in Elevating Your HSP-ness will knock your socks off. They will change your life. They will support you through thick and thin. They will really, really, REALLY shift the way you see yourself and the world. They will invite you to realize that you are, and have always been, perfect and perfectly positioned to shine a light in a world that needs it more than ever. A combination of all I have learned and been in my life—the “professorial” element—and all I have ever experienced spiritually and emotionally—that has integrated into an identity I could never have imagined, into who I am today.

This bit of music from my healing guided collection should help you do the same.

The post When you feel lost, don’t give up. It’s the time for a change. first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Leaping was easy when you were a kid. It’s time to leap into being the brilliant HSP  you were created to be!

How do you get to be a BADASS . . .  the abundantly brilliant, consciously aware, amazingly dynamic, unapologetically adept, and unambiguously sensational being you were created to be?

First, you probably need to have a “psychic opening.”

I wouldn’t necessarily recommend doing it the way I did. You know, the whole dark-night-of-the-soul experience that takes you so far down into the morass of hell that you almost forget there’s any other place that ever exited. Yeah, that place. So, no, if you don’t need to go there, don’t.

On the other hand.

Sometimes that’s what it takes to have the psychic opening you need to crack wide the tightly wrapped egg-like structure (feels hard until it breaks at the slightest touch) of the depths of you.

What happened to me: My psychic opening

There I was, stuck in British Columbia, in a place I knew nothing about, with people I’d never met, working on a book with a medium I had just met, because my dead husband had told her to contact me.

I know. I thought it was nuts, too.

Randy had only died a few months earlier and I was in no condition to travel anywhere. I could barely get out of bed in the morning, let alone think about getting in my car and driving to Canada or to an airport to fly on an actual plane with actual crowds of people. My panic attacks were worsening. I woke up to my heart pounding and went to sleep—eventually and only after sheer exhaustion—with my heart pounding. The incessant, rapid thumping in my chest was telling me, “You’re in trouble. Your life has caught up to you. You’re dying. You’ll never make it–wherever that might be. Give up.”

Honestly, if it weren’t for this woman’s phone call (“Hello, my name is ____ and Randy told me to call you to say we have to work together on a book”) I may have opted out. The discomfort of living in my own body with my own thoughts and my own emotions was so great that shutting down once and for all felt like a viable option.

The Spirit World is on your side.

Without explaining herself with any specificity, this woman I didn’t know told me I was supposed to stay with her in Canada, work with her, and help her write her book. That Randy was guiding the process. Orchestrating on my (our) behalf.

Looking back, I know it was the lifeline I needed. I felt myself moving through the murky waters of grief to renew my passport, buy a suitcase, pack my bags, purchase a laptop for traveling until one day I arrived on Vancouver Island wondering how in heck I’d gotten there. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I fully began to realize the way the Spirit World and my “gatekeeper,” Randy, was orchestrating so brilliantly to help me live a happier life.

She told me I was having a “psychic opening.”

It took a month for me to hear anything anyone was saying to me, even while I was writing and editing. It took another month for me to hear the words “psychic opening” and understand it had anything to do with me. That everything I knew, believed I knew; felt and believed I felt; thought and believed I thought was pretty much wrong. Or at least upside-down or something other than correct. The first time I heard it I went speechless. They were words, but words that could not possibly apply to me.

What if what you feel is not what you feel?

If you’re reading this, you probably know what it’s like to live life with anxiety and fear and emotional excess. The idea that someone would tell you that it’s because “you’re having a psychic opening” is just as probably not something you’ve ever heard before. But, when I tell you it’s what turned my life around, I’m not exaggerating. I’m not using hyperbole to make a point. I’m simply stating a fact.

When I share the news with clients that this is what is happening to them, most often they look at me like I’m crazy. They’ve been told their emotional states have been “over the top” and “too much” for so long that looking at them any other way seems completely unfathomable. Ridiculous even.

As “HSPs,” It’s time to embrace the concept that YOU can be highly intuitive and phenomenally strong at the same time. . . .

Be the Brilliant HSP You Were Created To Be!

As I said in my last post, it’s time to take the leap into your “BADASS-edness”: you abundantly brilliant, consciously aware, amazingly dynamic, unapologetically adept, and unambiguously sensational–being you were created to be!

It’s about going from unhappy to happy, unempowered to empowered. Into laughing and loving and generally feeling that life is more, not less, than it was cracked up to be. 

Will you feel this way all the time? Probably not. Neither do I. But the pauses in between are getting smaller.

Or you might say that I’m living in the pauses themselves.

Yeah…no. It’s much too far from anything they know, much too off the wall from anything they’ve ever heard, to consider.

And yet, it’s the truth.

Take the leap into your BADASS-edness!

And once you step into the truth and work within its brilliantly high-frequency resolution of competency and awareness, the release is stupendous. The relief is like the biggest breath you’ve ever taken. The renewal is as powerful as the strongest adrenaline surge.

But the best thing about being a brilliant HSP?

You’re one forever.

The post You can be the Brilliant HSP You Were Created To Be! first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Pricked by the thorn of life

Most of us have experienced what it feels like to have a thorn of a rose prick our finger. An immediate “OUCH” that sometimes lasts for a while. Such a small thing to cause such a prickly reaction!

Think about what it would feel like if this thorn that pricked your finger got stuck there. How long would you go before you tried to pull it out?

Today’s post is all about your INNER THORN. We’re asking the question: Is your goal to be free of your “stuff”—your blockages or fears, or justify why you have them?

Most of us tend to stay focused on why we feel the way we do and what’s caused us to feel what we feel because we somehow feel protected by whatever it is. “Thorn in my finger? That’s why I can’t drive…write…cook.”

We are protected from life’s unfolding. Protected from recognizing that you’re spending your life attempting to be in control out of fear that you won’t be.

Avoidance makes the thorn go deeper

As Michael Singer talks about it in The Unteathered Soul, imagine you have a thorn in your arm. It’s painful. You can’t sleep, can’t roll over. You can’t get close to people because they might touch it, rub up against it, push it in deeper when it’s already red and painful. Daily life gets difficult. You can’t go for a walk in the woods because you might brush the thorn against a branch. You avoid anything that causes you to move the arm in certain ways or get too close to people or things.

You have the perfect justification, a constant source of disturbance, that allows you to buy into why you can’t do this or that. You’re protected from whatever that disturbance or discomfort happens to be.

For some, that’s enough. Leaving the source of the pain alone until it has affected every part of your life. Because now you only have two choices:

• Make sure nothing touches it or
• Take it out.

Fear is the biggest thorn of all

Let’s say this “thorn” is your fear (or even concern or worry about) rejection. The fear keeps you from getting close to people. You avoid getting close because you may get hurt. But if you don’t remove the thorn of fear, all you’re doing is making allowances for your fear of rejection.

Unfortunately, eventually, we build our life around the belief that the defense we create is not only the sole option, but the best one. “It works for me,” you might say, “so I’ll just keep doing it.”

But does it?

Would you really rather have the constant torture of the thorn than the pain of pulling it out and dealing with the good feelings that might possibly follow? The relief that is sure to follow?

Sure, you can choose to live in fear, a thorn here, a thorn there. A grudge held here, an angry thought there. You can choose to life in that kind of denial forever. But there is another way.

Focusing on the triggers, the thorns in your life

You see, our attention always focuses naturally on what distracts it the most—it literally “catches our attention.” When we come up against something uncomfortable, disliked, annoying and are triggered, we are simply allowing that discomfort to catch our attention. That element, act, person, or thing, then becomes our focus—the focus of our consciousness.

What’s another way to describe such denial? Yes, exactly: Resistance!

Although we believe that whatever is “making us uncomfortable” needs to be fixed, that is not really the case. The reality is that your mind is running around in circles telling you to do all sorts of things because it’s uncomfortable. It wants, you want, to get away from whatever it is in whatever way you can. As Singer says, you’re creating “environmental thought pollution.”

Instead of barreling ahead unconsciously with such thoughts, my suggestion is to take a good long look at the thorn. Decide if you want to leave it there and let it fester or remove it altogether. This is a choice you can make.

Yank it out or live with the pain forever.

Every time a new thorn appears, or you feel a piece of the old one has risen to the surface, don’t blame it, rationalize it, or try to figure it out.

Allow yourself to be curious, then give it a yank. You might even want to have a conversation with the thorn before you throw it away for good.

TIP OF THE DAY:

1. Get comfortable and take a few relaxing breaths.
2. Consider one “thorn” that you can identify that sticks in your craw—or arm—or leg—or chest…the biggest “thorn in your side” that causes a sensation of discomfort enough to feel like a constant thorn, a sort of undercurrent that beats the drum of negativity or even despair.
3. Invite this thorn to sit next to you or across from you on the couch. How does this thorn energy choose to appear? What is its color, form, shape, size?
4. Ask the thorn (fear of rejection, loneliness, failure, etc.) how IT feels to be embedded in you.
5. Ask the thorn how it came to be embedded in you and why it chose that specific part of your body in which to embed?
6. Ask the thorn if it hurts—and whether it recognizes it is causing you pain.
7. Ask the thorn if it wants to remain in you. If it does, ask it why.
8. If it would rather leave now, how will it choose to remove itself?
9. How can you encourage it, help it to remove itself?
10. If your thorn chooses removal, is it concerned that it will experience pain as it is removed? If so, what would you say to it about its concern?
11. If your thorn of rejection or your thorn of not being quite good enough comes out, it’s time to put yourself on the couch and see how it feels to be free of this tiny thorn that may have had a huge effect on your life.

A thorn may be a small thing, but we all know “small” does not mean insignificant. We all have our wounds, our emotional triggers. I can tell you from experience, though, thorn removal is not nearly as painful as living with the thorn year after year.

***Stay tuned for our next post of my experience of “putting my thorn on the couch.”***

The post How to remove the inner thorn that’s killing you first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.