How to remove the inner thorn that’s killing you
Pricked by the thorn of life
Most of us have experienced what it feels like to have a thorn of a rose prick our finger. An immediate “OUCH” that sometimes lasts for a while. Such a small thing to cause such a prickly reaction!
Think about what it would feel like if this thorn that pricked your finger got stuck there. How long would you go before you tried to pull it out?
Today’s post is all about your INNER THORN. We’re asking the question: Is your goal to be free of your “stuff”—your blockages or fears, or justify why you have them?
Most of us tend to stay focused on why we feel the way we do and what’s caused us to feel what we feel because we somehow feel protected by whatever it is. “Thorn in my finger? That’s why I can’t drive…write…cook.”
We are protected from life’s unfolding. Protected from recognizing that you’re spending your life attempting to be in control out of fear that you won’t be.
Avoidance makes the thorn go deeper
As Michael Singer talks about it in The Unteathered Soul, imagine you have a thorn in your arm. It’s painful. You can’t sleep, can’t roll over. You can’t get close to people because they might touch it, rub up against it, push it in deeper when it’s already red and painful. Daily life gets difficult. You can’t go for a walk in the woods because you might brush the thorn against a branch. You avoid anything that causes you to move the arm in certain ways or get too close to people or things.
You have the perfect justification, a constant source of disturbance, that allows you to buy into why you can’t do this or that. You’re protected from whatever that disturbance or discomfort happens to be.
For some, that’s enough. Leaving the source of the pain alone until it has affected every part of your life. Because now you only have two choices:
- Make sure nothing touches it or
- Take it out.
Fear is the biggest thorn of all
Let’s say this “thorn” is your fear (or even concern or worry about) rejection. The fear keeps you from getting close to people. You avoid getting close because you may get hurt. But if you don’t remove the thorn of fear, all you’re doing is making allowances for your fear of rejection.
Unfortunately, eventually, we build our life around the belief that the defense we create is not only the sole option, but the best one. “It works for me,” you might say, “so I’ll just keep doing it.”
But does it?
Would you really rather have the constant torture of the thorn than the pain of pulling it out and dealing with the good feelings that might possibly follow? The relief that is sure to follow?
Sure, you can choose to live in fear, a thorn here, a thorn there. A grudge held here, an angry thought there. You can choose to life in that kind of denial forever. But there is another way.
Focusing on the triggers, the thorns in your life
You see, our attention always focuses naturally on what distracts it the most—it literally “catches our attention.” When we come up against something uncomfortable, disliked, annoying and are triggered, we are simply allowing that discomfort to catch our attention. That element, act, person, or thing, then becomes our focus—the focus of our consciousness.
What’s another way to describe such denial? Yes, exactly: Resistance!
Although we believe that whatever is “making us uncomfortable” needs to be fixed, that is not really the case. The reality is that your mind is running around in circles telling you to do all sorts of things because it’s uncomfortable. It wants, you want, to get away from whatever it is in whatever way you can. As Singer says, you’re creating “environmental thought pollution.”
Instead of barreling ahead unconsciously with such thoughts, my suggestion is to take a good long look at the thorn. Decide if you want to leave it there and let it fester or remove it altogether. This is a choice you can make.
Yank it out or live with the pain forever.
Every time a new thorn appears, or you feel a piece of the old one has risen to the surface, don’t blame it, rationalize it, or try to figure it out.
Allow yourself to be curious, then give it a yank. You might even want to have a conversation with the thorn before you throw it away for good.
TIP OF THE DAY:
- Get comfortable and take a few relaxing breaths.
- Consider one “thorn” that you can identify that sticks in your craw—or arm—or leg—or chest…the biggest “thorn in your side” that causes a sensation of discomfort enough to feel like a constant thorn, a sort of undercurrent that beats the drum of negativity or even despair.
- Invite this thorn to sit next to you or across from you on the couch. How does this thorn energy choose to appear? What is its color, form, shape, size?
- Ask the thorn (fear of rejection, loneliness, failure, etc.) how IT feels to be embedded in you.
- Ask the thorn how it came to be embedded in you and why it chose that specific part of your body in which to embed?
- Ask the thorn if it hurts—and whether it recognizes it is causing you pain.
- Ask the thorn if it wants to remain in you. If it does, ask it why.
- If it would rather leave now, how will it choose to remove itself?
- How can you encourage it, help it to remove itself?
- If your thorn chooses removal, is it concerned that it will experience pain as it is removed? If so, what would you say to it about its concern?
- If your thorn of rejection or your thorn of not being quite good enough comes out, it’s time to put yourself on the couch and see how it feels to be free of this tiny thorn that may have had a huge effect on your life.
A thorn may be a small thing, but we all know “small” does not mean insignificant. We all have our wounds, our emotional triggers. I can tell you from experience, though, thorn removal is not nearly as painful as living with the thorn year after year.
***Stay tuned for our next post of my experience of “putting my thorn on the couch.”***
