Why Does Everything In the World Seem To Trigger Me So Much?

(Or . . . Why can’t I just let go and be in the flow like everyone says I should be?)

When I was growing up, everything bothered me. Everything upset me. Everything made me cry. Everything scared me. Everything was hard.

Now, the word of the day is “trigger.”

“It’s such a trigger for me,” we say. “You’re triggering me.” “You know that triggers me.” “If you know that’s a trigger for me, why don’t you stop doing it/saying it?”

What’s the one thing all these ways we express ourselves have in common? Well, I hate to say it, but it’s that all of them are putting the reason (the blame) for our being triggered on the person, place, or thing that’s getting in the way of our comfort.

• “The scent in here drives me crazy; I hate scented candles.”
• “He knows I hate to be yelled at, so why can’t he learn to lower his voice?”
• “I can’t stand green pepper, so why would they put it in the food?”

  

All of these statements have something else in common, too: They all express significantly low-vibration language, use of which, frankly, probably won’t catapult you into a *high-frequency life.*

Please understand that I’m not complaining about other people’s complaining about their triggers–as such. I’m not saying that we all don’t have valid reasons for having developed our triggers. Things like poor parenting, growing up with abuse, feeling ignored, unloved, unappreciated. We could go on and on. Most of us have at least one or two, if not dozens, of things that draw us in like a spider to a fly. “Come on in, you’ll love it in here.” And then . . . ZAP! You’re caught in the middle of something from which not only does it appear there is no escape but that sends you spiraling into the HSP’s Land of the Lost.

What really matters, though, is that at some point in our lives, we start to look at our triggers as something we have at some point decided we are willing to react to instead of something happening to us that we cannot control.

No, we can’t control someone who decides to yell or put green pepper in our dinner. But we certainly have a say about our reaction to it.

I’ve learned the following:

1. Going around all day talking about the things that trigger me only triggers me more.
2. Using language that has a low frequency like “I hate it when you…” “Why is this happening to me?” “It’s not fair…” “They should know it hurts me…” are all downers. Say them out loud or hear someone else say them and immediately the energy in the room goes south. If and when YOU say it, your own vibration has just crashed.
3. Talking about what triggers me triggers me into finding reasons I’m triggered that justify my reaction.
4. Talking to others about the fact that I was triggered by someone or something feels satisfyingly reassuring.
5. I like being reassured because it feels like someone is responding to my need for understanding or love or support or whatever else I want

If I turn my low-frequency HSP language into high-frequency language, the Land of the Lost turns into the Land of the Found.

Let’s start with the triggering episode.

Trigger: My friend is upset and has been talking to me in a louder-than-usual voice.

Response: I’m immediately back in my childhood being yelled at by my father. I can’t hear anything my friend is saying because all I want to do is run and hide and cry and scream. In the corner.

Reaction: I yell at my friend, “You know that I can’t hear you if you raise your voice to me! You know my father used to yell at me and I hate that. Why are you yelling at me?”

What’s really going on: Deflection, Victimization, Defensiveness, Justification, Avoidance, Blame, and Self-righteousness–not that there’s not a whole lot of hurt in there, too.

What I do differently

Trigger: My friend is upset and has been talking to me in a louder-than-usual voice.

Response: I’m immediately back in my childhood being yelled at by my father. I can’t hear anything my friend is saying because all I want to do is run and hide and cry and scream. In the corner.

Realization: Wow. I’m really out of alignment here. I know what brought it on and I don’t particularly enjoy it, but even if it feels uncomfortable, it’s a huge opportunity to work on pulling in my psychic octopus tentacles and practice my newfound awareness that I have the wherewithal to reflect on what I’m feeling even as I’m feeling it. Even a moment of objectivity in that kind of situation can switch off the “I’m freaking out” and switch on the “Oh, how interesting” switch.

One step back = a giant leap forward.

TIP OF THE DAY:

1. Write a list of 10 things that trigger you.
2. Put a checkmark ✅ next to all the ones that feel justified based on your life experience.
3. Now erase them.