What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up As An HSP?

When I was about five or six, I decided I wanted to play the flute. From that age to about 30 it was my dream to be a great flautist.

From the time things went all kablooey and sideways with that dream until about 40, all I wanted to do was figure out what I wanted to do that I wouldn’t hate doing.

For the next seven or so years the best thing about work was leaving at the end of the day.

From the day that job ended and I began writing and editing and publishing books, I felt I’d found something I was not only good at, but creatively fulfilling. Still, I can’t say I felt as if I were me, completely doing me.

That’s why, when the other day a friend told me, “You’re just so Heidi,” and my response was, “And getting

every day,” I knew something big had happened.

Which reminded me of all the times over my lifetime that people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. No one, not even my parents, who supported me through flute and piano and theory lessons, were particularly enamored when their friends asked the question and I said, “I’m going to be a musician.” I mean, you could see their eyes roll. “Oh, that’s nice,” they said. Meaning, “Your poor parents.”

I decided to ask myself this long-honored traditional question again today. And no, we won’t get into the fact that I’ve of a certain age that might preclude that kind of question. Fageddaboudit.) Anyway, I closed my eyes and posed the question: Heidi, do you know what YOU want to BE when you grow up?

And do you know what the answer was? You coulda smacked me upside the head with a V8. Because what came out of my mouth was, “YES! Absolutely! I want to be more of me!”

I was so excited by my own spontaneous response that I did a little jig. It hasn’t been this way in the past, which is why it’s so important now. The thing is, that if you don’t really know who you are, how can you possibly want to be more of it?

How can you possibly go around thinking, “Well, this is so groovy. I think I’ll just go on being more of me and diggin’ it?” You can’t. And, while I’m absolutely positively no Pollyanna, I’ll take a moment here to give you just a taste of how much my life has changed.

What does “more of me” mean now? I love that I can say this. That I have the words to express what “more of me” means because I know it’s true—I FEEL it’s true. MORE OF ME means more capacity for love, ease, generosity, freedom, abundance, creativity, inspiration, joy, and the sheer doggedness to live a life of alignment.

So, if I were to ask you, my lovely HSPs, “What do YOU want to be when you grow up?” what do you think your answer would be?

That’s all for today, folks. Join me next time on the Celestial Professor channel when we’ll dig a little deeper into what makes us high sensitives tick.

And DON’T FORGET to join us for the very first Expert HSP Summit of its kind on Saturday, October 15 @ 1 PM PT

at https://youtu.be/McDwEL-ISMo

Heidiconnolly.com / hspness.com / f-b elevatingyourhspness

The post What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up As An HSP? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

It’s Time to Elevate & Celebrate Your High Sensitivity with Heidi Connolly, the Celestial Professor!

**** Be among the first 10 people to join this event and you will receive a gift of a completely FREE 15-minute consultation with me, Heidi Connolly, author, intuitive coach, medium, and guided musician. ****

This is the Celestial Professor’s first HSP Summit with expert guests discussing their personal and professional experiences as Highly Sensitive People and how they’ve learned to amplify–and celebrate!–their own HSP qualities for a fulfilling and High-Frequency Life.

JOIN US SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15, 1 PM PT @ https://youtu.be/McDwEL-ISMo

It’s time to choose the life you want by learning what you need. What do I mean by that?

Most people talking about being “highly sensitive” are focused on coping with what feels like a “problem.” But I don’t believe that’s true.

I believe that only when we really begin to understand the meaning of sensitivity–the fact that it speaks to our divinely intuitive natures, our innate abilities, and our critical powers of heart-and-mind-partnered capabilities–are we able to become truly sovereign beings that can use our so-called “sensitivities” to uplift the world.

If you want to learn how, this summit is a good first step. All these speakers are HSPs, all have gone through challenging times to understand who they are, but, best of all, they have learned to utilize who and what they are for their own benefit and the greater good.

Guests include myself, plus:

Irene Weinberg, Grief & Rebirth Podcast;
Jill Lebeau, Spiritual Sandbox Podcast;
Claudia Helt, Center for Peaceful Transitions;
Sherri Cortland, Author and Speaker;
Dana Stovern, Magic of Somatic Money Podcast;
Heidi Winkler, Winkler Leadership Academy

. . . All experts in their fields, ALL HSPs, and all dedicated to uplifting the world.

heidiconnolly.com | f-b: hspness | blog: hspness.com. Upcoming new book: Elevate Your HSP-ness: How to Live a High-Frequency Life that Amplifies Your Vibration, Celebrates Your Sensitivities, & Uplifts the World.

The post JOIN THE EXPERTS FOR THE 1ST HSP SUMMIT OF ITS KIND!!! first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Welcome, my ever-evolving, amplifying high sensitives, to today’s bit of down-to-earth spirituality with me, Heidi Connolly, the Celestial Professor. If you feel moved by what you read here today, please share the information so other HSPs like you and me can shift into high gear to uplift the world together!!!

Today, our focus is something I call The Great Paradox.

The Great Paradox of being human is that the more you evolve spiritually, the easier being human becomes.

It might not sound like such a big deal, but just think about it.

You gotta love it. That the way to becoming a happier camper as a human being is to develop the side of you that’s beyond human. Beyond things. Beyond therapy. Beyond thought. How trippy is that?

You really gotta appreciate that the only way to get to a spiritually inclined place inside yourself, you need to get into that zone of silence where you enter thoughtless awareness. It’s like Maxwell Smart’s “Cone of Silence.” I know I’m dating myself, but Get Smart –the TV show?—was a thing in those days and watching that stupid glass “cone of silence” come down to protect confidentiality seemed pretty funny.

Going Beyond Thought

Anyway, the point is that, if you’ve gone beyond thought, when you return to the “real world” you feel it’s actually a little easier to be the human that you are.

At least, that’s the way it feels to me.

I call it The Great Paradox.

See, it’s like this. Every time I meditate, before I get anywhere near or close to that place without thought, what I have to do to get there is to focus, not on what I’m thinking, but what my body is feeling. I take steps to focus my mind on the things I’m feeling—physically, in other words, somatically in my body—to get there.

• I feel my jaw relax.
• I feel my eye lids sink inward.
• I feel my neck and shoulders settle.

I FEEL.

…And then my mind starts jabbering away, usually a running commentary about whatever it is I’m noticing that my body is feeling. And then, judgmental commentary on the fact that I’ve entered into commentary. Today is a perfect example.

There I am “trying” to meditate, and all I can think about is that I’m trying to meditate and that I don’t have that much time this morning to meditate before I need to start doing the things I need to do. It’s crazy, right?

What do I do? In my mind, I tell myself to focus on my body. (Which, again, feels like a paradox, since I’m trying to get away from all that supposed worldly stuff.) Anyway, that works for a second or two and then I start thinking about how tight my neck feels. Pretty soon, I’m dying to shift my position and give my neck a good crack. I fight the feeling for a while. Pretty soon, it’s all I can think about. So, eventually, and thinking about how much time I’ve “wasted,” I give in and shift around and crack my neck.

AAAHHH. Now I feel better. Now I can get back to meditating.

Right? And so it goes.

What does all this have to do with the The Great Paradox? It’s like this.

1. The one thing I want is to feel happier as a human.
2. The thing I’ve learned is that the only way to feel happier as a human is to connect with my higher self…source…God?…the infinite…the quiet…. The spiritual side of me. Or, should I say, the REAL being that is me?
3. The thing that has changed over time is that even on days like today when getting beyond thought seems impossible, I end up appreciating how good it feels to be on the path of conscious awareness.

I guess you’d have to say that The Great Paradox of being human—that is, spirit in a biodegradable human suit—is really made up of many paradoxes.

All of which are opportunities, or as I like to say, “whopper-tunities,” for my own evolution. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that the more I evolve, the more the planet evolves.

Which makes me happy!

So…that does it for today’s installment of down-to-earth spirituality. If you’re interested in purchasing any of my books or in private intuitive mediumship sessions with me, visit me at heidiconnolly.com. And remember, “psychic” or “medium” or simply tapped into your intuition…it all gets us to the same happy place.

And don’t forget to comment, so we can share our awesome awakening to uplifting the planet by being the brilliant HSPs we are!

Thanks!. See you again here soon.

The post THE HSP’S GUIDE TO NAVIGATING THE GREAT PARADOX OF LIFE first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

The cure to the HSP’s psychic sponge syndrome: Laugh!!!!!

I’m back today with another bit of down-to-earth spirituality. Today’s topic? Spiritual irreverence.

Can you handle the fallout if you’ve forgotten how to laugh?

It’s not every day that you find yourself doing something that causes an uproar of divergent opinions—and resultant advice. Well, at least it hasn’t been that way for me.

I mean, it’s true that “coming out” as a medium caused quite a stir. There I was, Harvard Girl, the writer, editor, book designing, publishing consultant of Harvard Girl Word Services, suddenly saying I was talking to dead people. So, I guess you could say that I know something about strong reactions. And we won’t even get into family. Telling your mother you’re hearing from good ol’ Dad? Mmm, turns out, not the best convo starter ever….

Anyway….

When I started writing books (with my dear departed husband) and talking about us all being Vacationing Angels, I learned pretty fast how to spot the dedicated, true-blue skeptics from the “well, I might be willing to hear more” type. I also learned, really really fast that it didn’t matter. That the only thing that mattered was being true to myself.

• Which brings me to today’s down-to-earth spiritual subject matter [slide of CP animation]
• When you’re true to yourself, you attract other people who are true to themselves.
• When you’re true to yourself, it doesn’t matter if other people agree with you or not.
• When you’re true to yourself, most of the people you attract are willing to listen to what you have to say, even if they end up disagreeing with it.
• When you’re true to yourself, you feel good.

Which…leads me to the title of my new book, Elevating Your HSP-ness….

I can hear you….

Go ahead. Say it out loud. Reading the words just doesn’t do it. When I spoke the title aloud for the first time, I couldn’t stop giggling. Naturally, I discounted its use. I mean, right? Who’d willingly, knowingly, use a word for a spiritual book about being a high sensitive that sounds like penis?  Not me!

After that, the title went through months of iterations. “The HSP’s Owners Manual.” “The HSP’s Roadmap to Greatness.” “Embracing your High Sensitivity.” The problem was that no matter how much these titles described what I was trying to convey, none of them made me FEEL GOOD. None of them resonated, vibrated with the frequency of YES!!! THIS MAKES ME WANT TO GIGGLE AND LAUGH AND FEEL JOYFUL!!!

My psychic sponge was picking up everyone’s opinion but my own.

I didn’t know what to do. I kept going back and forth, back and forth, buying domain after domain and reworking my potential book covers. What to do?

Ultimately? I did exactly what I talk about doing in this book: I let it go. I worked on other things—the writing, the blogs, the vlogs, all that stuff. And then, one day, I was talking to a friend and colleague (who just happens to be in my video Summit linked below), Jill Lebeau. When I mentioned all my potential names, she thought they were “fine.” Which we all know is code for BORING. Then, I said, “I wanted to name it Elevating Your HSP-ness, but you know, that would just be crazy. Too irreverent. What would people think?”

The reality is that my psychic sponge was too darn overloaded to check in with my own guidance–that Intuitive Guidance System we all have!

There was a moment of silence. Then Jill got it—and cracked up. She laughed and laughed and kept on laughing. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. But, finally, when she got herself under control, she said, “There’s nothing irreverent about bliss and joy in spirituality! We need to laugh to raise our frequency. And that’s what you’re talking about—living a high-frequency life! I think it’s perfect.”

It took me a while, but I couldn’t ignore the high vibration of what she said—and what I felt. So, yes. The name of my book is ELEVATING YOUR HSP-NESS. After all, I’m talking about “down-to-earth spirituality” here. And that means applying spirituality to everyday life as an Angel on Vacation. Celebrating those qualities of you that are the absolute highest frequency. Because we can’t spend our time “way up in the clouds” and live “down here” without some kind of mechanism that invites us to stay present. To use all our “up in the clouds”-ness for the express purpose of enjoying the earthly aspects of our being.

So I say go for it. I’ll be right there, laughing along with you in loving irreverence.

The post The cure to the HSP’s Psychic Sponge Syndrome: Laugh!!!!!! first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Just because someone is high-functioning doesn’t mean they’re not highly sensitive. All it really means, at least if they’re in a healthy state of mind, body, and soul, is that they’ve somehow learned to direct their sensitivities and kick them up a notch or two.

Anderson Cooper is a journalist, and a great one. But he’s also, apparently, an emotional and loving father. You have to imagine he’s pretty adept at organizing his life, and was probably a darn good student as well. All great qualities, but nothing to do with the qualities of being an HSP.

Could Anderson Cooper be one of US? Could he be an HSP?

I think he might be. How do I know? Because—though I’m the first to admit that I’m no Anderson Cooper in a zillion different ways!—I am, and have been, high-functioning for a large percentage of my life.

But the real point I’m trying to make is that being an HSP does not preclude being deliberately, determinedly, and successfully high-functioning.

On the other hand, just because you’re high-functioning does not necessarily mean you’re happy or even content. It certainly doesn’t mean self-satisfied, self-reliant, or full of self-worth.

All it means is that you have the skills to do whatever it is you want or have chosen or sometimes have been coerced to do well enough to get the job done. You could be a dishwasher or you could be a museum curator. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re convinced you’re good at it or feel good doing it. It’s even possible you suffer from Imposter Syndrome, where, no matter how good you are at what you do, you still feel inadequate.

Ever wonder why actors tend toward screwed up personal lives?

We usually attribute their “problems” to too much fame and fortune. And, certainly, without those things they wouldn’t be in the situation they’re in.

But there’s more to it than that. There’s also the obvious fact that so many of them are highly sensitive people.

Can you imagine being an HSP who knows you take on other people’s energy, but don’t know what to do about it? Can you imagine being on a movie set with hundreds of movie people all milling about doing their jobs—many of them interacting with you—for hours and hours every single day? Can you imagine what it’s like to feel the feelings of the character you’re acting without feeling some kind of aftermath of leftover energy trails?

I can’t.

Sure, I’ve worked as a musician in orchestras; a human resource trainer in corporate America; a counselor for teenagers. But at no point did I recognize that the tremendous weight I carried around was due to all the energy of others flooding my being.

Sadly, even once I had an inkling that was what was going on, I still had no idea what to do about it.

Sometimes people seem to figure it out on their own.

Anderson Cooper seems to have figured it out on his own. Not that we have any idea what it’s like being Gloria Vanderbilt’s son, born and bred in his unusually eccentric circumstances. Maybe he’s had years of therapy, right? I mean, who can say? We surely don’t know how much of what we see is an act, being that he’s a TV personality and all.

But when I heard him talk about the loss of his brother to suicide and the recent death of his mother and how he wants nothing more than to pass on to his children who these people were to him “without it being cloaked in sadness,” I felt his willingness to dip into the pain of the loss and rise out again through love for his children.

We are not all Anderson Coopers.

We are not all super smart or super rich or super talented.

Yet, as HSPs, we are ALL fully capable of bringing out the best in ourselves by elevating the sensitivities we have so they serve us and all of humanity.

The post High-Functioning versus High-Sensitive: Are they mutually exclusive? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

I’ve been an HSP for a long time. One might even say a very long time. So, I guess you could also say that I have a lot of experience when it comes to my HSP-ness. All those qualities that seemed to undermine me at every turn, every step of the way. Plus all the experiences I have undergone that have revealed all my sensitivities, each and every one, for what they really are: indicators of my amazing abilities to love, honor, respect–once I learned to use them, not let them abuse me.

The thing about sensitivities is that they often present in extremes. For example, if you’re hyper-sensitive to cold, you may be, as I am, hyper-sensitive to heat. If you’re hyper-sensitive to touch, you may be hyper-sensitive to the lack of it. If you’re hyper-sensitive to sound, you may be hyper-sensitive to the empty silence of quiet. Because we’re sensitive to everything. Just hang with 10 people saying nothing for a while and you’ll see what I mean.

Once again, yet another interesting conundrum for the Highly Sensitive Person. How can we rationalize the fact that we may be as uncomfortable in one set of circumstances and equally as uncomfortable in its apparent extreme opposite set of circumstances?

I can only share what I have come to realize.

On a societal level

We live in the age of soundbites and endless possibilities for distraction. Endless opportunities to fill the silence. If we don’t want to be alone with our thoughts, we almost never need to be.

On a community level:

Feeling  uncomfortable in crowds and/or social settings is typical for HSPs. Yet society teaches us that we are supposed to be good little children in the classroom and adept at navigating the world through some kind of inherent charm and know-how. If we aren’t, if we don’t or can’t or are not up to the task, we are made to feel small and inadequate. Our tendency is to seek out solitude rather than engage in frustrating attempts at socialization, even when solitude strikes a heavy chord of loss inside us.

On a familial level

Most everyone I’ve ever known suffers from the Family Syndrome: There’s nothing like being with family that could feel more comfortable, even if the circumstances are miserable; there’s something about having your expectations being fulfilled. While it might not feel like the good kind of comfortable, at least you know Uncle Joe might drink too much and Mom might tell you to get your hair cut. On the other hand, a family dinner can make you feel like running in the other direction so fast and so far that you’d never be seen or heard from again.

On a relationship level

I’ve often said that it’s important to be in relationship with someone you can be yourself with. Someone you can be with without saying anything, just being quiet and being comfortable at the same time. I still feel that way. But, more and more, *I’m realizing that it’s all about being comfortable with myself that matters. I don’t think I was ever truly comfortable anywhere, anytime, with anyone, until I became comfortable with my own being-ness, including my own HSP-ness.*

On a one-on-one level with self. See above*…Your relationship with Self is all that really matters.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: 10 people go quiet at a party. Suddenly, things get really uncomfortable fast. What do you do?

• Do you rush to fill the silence?
• Do you pour another glass of wine?
• Do you make an inappropriate joke?
• Do you squirm in your seat and wish you were somewhere else?
• Do you make an excuse to leave the room?

There are different versions of quiet and different versions of noise. But there is only one version of you that matters.

The one that is in alignment.

It’s time to stop hiding and start Elevating Your HSP-ness!

Soon to be available at https://www.heidiconnolly.com

The post Is there such as thing as too much quiet when you’re a Highly Sensitive Person? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

(Or . . . Why can’t I just let go and be in the flow like everyone says I should be?)

When I was growing up, everything bothered me. Everything upset me. Everything made me cry. Everything scared me. Everything was hard.

Now, the word of the day is “trigger.”

“It’s such a trigger for me,” we say. “You’re triggering me.” “You know that triggers me.” “If you know that’s a trigger for me, why don’t you stop doing it/saying it?”

What’s the one thing all these ways we express ourselves have in common? Well, I hate to say it, but it’s that all of them are putting the reason (the blame) for our being triggered on the person, place, or thing that’s getting in the way of our comfort.

• “The scent in here drives me crazy; I hate scented candles.”
• “He knows I hate to be yelled at, so why can’t he learn to lower his voice?”
• “I can’t stand green pepper, so why would they put it in the food?”

  

All of these statements have something else in common, too: They all express significantly low-vibration language, use of which, frankly, probably won’t catapult you into a *high-frequency life.*

Please understand that I’m not complaining about other people’s complaining about their triggers–as such. I’m not saying that we all don’t have valid reasons for having developed our triggers. Things like poor parenting, growing up with abuse, feeling ignored, unloved, unappreciated. We could go on and on. Most of us have at least one or two, if not dozens, of things that draw us in like a spider to a fly. “Come on in, you’ll love it in here.” And then . . . ZAP! You’re caught in the middle of something from which not only does it appear there is no escape but that sends you spiraling into the HSP’s Land of the Lost.

What really matters, though, is that at some point in our lives, we start to look at our triggers as something we have at some point decided we are willing to react to instead of something happening to us that we cannot control.

No, we can’t control someone who decides to yell or put green pepper in our dinner. But we certainly have a say about our reaction to it.

I’ve learned the following:

1. Going around all day talking about the things that trigger me only triggers me more.
2. Using language that has a low frequency like “I hate it when you…” “Why is this happening to me?” “It’s not fair…” “They should know it hurts me…” are all downers. Say them out loud or hear someone else say them and immediately the energy in the room goes south. If and when YOU say it, your own vibration has just crashed.
3. Talking about what triggers me triggers me into finding reasons I’m triggered that justify my reaction.
4. Talking to others about the fact that I was triggered by someone or something feels satisfyingly reassuring.
5. I like being reassured because it feels like someone is responding to my need for understanding or love or support or whatever else I want

If I turn my low-frequency HSP language into high-frequency language, the Land of the Lost turns into the Land of the Found.

Let’s start with the triggering episode.

Trigger: My friend is upset and has been talking to me in a louder-than-usual voice.

Response: I’m immediately back in my childhood being yelled at by my father. I can’t hear anything my friend is saying because all I want to do is run and hide and cry and scream. In the corner.

Reaction: I yell at my friend, “You know that I can’t hear you if you raise your voice to me! You know my father used to yell at me and I hate that. Why are you yelling at me?”

What’s really going on: Deflection, Victimization, Defensiveness, Justification, Avoidance, Blame, and Self-righteousness–not that there’s not a whole lot of hurt in there, too.

What I do differently

Trigger: My friend is upset and has been talking to me in a louder-than-usual voice.

Response: I’m immediately back in my childhood being yelled at by my father. I can’t hear anything my friend is saying because all I want to do is run and hide and cry and scream. In the corner.

Realization: Wow. I’m really out of alignment here. I know what brought it on and I don’t particularly enjoy it, but even if it feels uncomfortable, it’s a huge opportunity to work on pulling in my psychic octopus tentacles and practice my newfound awareness that I have the wherewithal to reflect on what I’m feeling even as I’m feeling it. Even a moment of objectivity in that kind of situation can switch off the “I’m freaking out” and switch on the “Oh, how interesting” switch.

One step back = a giant leap forward.

TIP OF THE DAY:

1. Write a list of 10 things that trigger you.
2. Put a checkmark next to all the ones that feel justified based on your life experience.
3. Now erase them.

The post Why Does Everything In the World Seem To Trigger Me So Much? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

BREATHE

She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,

And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

By: Becky Hemsley

I can relate, Becky Hemsley. I can definitely relate.

I read this poem on Facebook and recognized, as did the person who posted it, how much it reflects the life so many of us have led as High Sensitives (of any gender!).

The image in the post shows a tree (enhanced by an artist, apparently) into the body of a woman stretching upward and outward toward the sky. While some might see the image suggesting a plea of “Why me?” it could also be suggestive of someone reaching to the skies, empowered and alive, and grounded into the earth and a sense of self.

I’ll take Door #2, please.

Today I had a client who arrived to see with with a whole boatload of fear and anxiety. This client is almost 90 years old and has been a teacher and psychotherapist for many years. For a lot of those years she has successfully worked on herself to unravel the emotional issues that seemed to bind her to old ways of thinking about herself and the world, and has helped numerous clients of her own on that journey. That’s why, when she found herself unexpectedly “triggered” bigtime by a situation that came up, she called me.

You see, no matter how much we grow, stretch, and reach for spiritual connection and evolution and the groundedness that goes along with it, we also need to realize that We. Are. Still. Human.

There will always be that part of us—often a deeply subconscious or hidden part—that remembers the way things were in The Past. That great vast valley of old insecurities that arise just at the exact moment we need them to remind us to once again step up to the plate…that it’s time to level up once more on our spiritual path.

Being human also means we cannot, nor should we have to, or feel we have to, go it alone. Healers and light workers and mediums and meditators and caregivers—we all need to connect with others in the community of HSPs when it gets tough to make sure our feet stay planted in the ground on that journey of leveling up.

We may all be human and we may all be individual trees, but we are all one human among other humans and one tree among all the other trees in the forest.

The post Life As An HSP Doesn’t Mean A Life of Going It Alone first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

I’m not being so emo on purpose—it’s just the way I am!

Yesterday I wrote about not being a victim by stepping into a new way of thinking. After further conversation with myself this morning during a meditation, I was reminded how resistant I myself was to this idea. I mean, who wants to admit that what happens to them might be due to something they are doing or thinking or being rather than charge it to someone else?

It’s like using someone else’s credit card. Sure, you’ve purchased the item, so now it’s yours, but who really did the deed?

Here’s what happened when my husband—many, many years ago (yes, while he was still in physical form, i.e., alive)—and I were having a—well, I’ll call it a discussion to be polite—knock-down-drag-out miserable-with-crying moment.

There’s a lot to unwrap here, so stay with me.

The whole thing started with Randy sharing something going on, something I’d apparently done, that was making him upset. At first I was sympathetic. I didn’t like seeing him upset or unhappy, and, being the empathetic, caring, HSP that I am, I expressed support and love and kindness.

At least that’s how I like to think it went. I guess Randy didn’t see it that way.

His take on it was that, after about a minute of “I’m sorry you feel that way,” I’d immediately launched into the “but” thing. You know.

• “I’m sorry you feel that way, but….”
• “But…it really wasn’t that big a deal….”
• “…I really didn’t mean it that way so you shouldn’t take it that way….”
• “…I can’t hear you when you raise your voice to me….” and
• “I don’t really care about how you feel because what really matters is that I defend myself against whatever accusations you’re making so that I turn the whole conversation around until you feel sorry for me.”

The defensive mode

My husband went on to say that playing the victim was not a viable option. That being in a relationship meant if one of the partners had an issue, the other one was to listen appropriately without jumping in to defend.

It was the first time in my life that I realized how that was exactly what I’d been doing. As soon as someone was triggered by something I’d said or done and told me about it, the only option I saw was to jump into defensive mode. To defend why I’d said it or done it or felt it or could excuse it.

He was right. And, honestly, it was mortifying.

There I was, crying my heart out, believing with all my heart, based on all the psychological baggage I’d brought with me into the marriage, that if my husband was unhappy it was all my fault, that I’d never fix it, and that he’d probably end up leaving me.

Um…yeah. So of course I’d get all defensive. What other choice was there?

The upshot

What happened? I got really, really quiet for a while. I realized I really didn’t know how to listen to “criticism” or “feedback” or whatever you want to call it without defending myself from what I thought the words meant or implied. They’d meant bad things were going to happen when I was a kid, so why wouldn’t bad things happen now?

From then on, my first question to myself when something came between us to work on was, “Am I listening or busy thinking of all the ways I’ll defend myself?” And I have never looked at potentially challenging conversations the same way again.

Before I end, I don’t want to leave you thinking that my husband’s insistence that something I did had “triggered him” was altogether in the clear relative to victimization either. Neither of us understood at the time that how we react and respond is our responsibility and no one else’s. While maliciousness is never excusable, if something occurs with good intention, isn’t it better to reflect on one’s own role first rather than leap into blaming the other?

In conclusion, whether we’re HSP, highly sensitive, or not, only we are responsible for ourselves, our triggers, and our responses.

The post I’m not being so emo on purpose—it’s just the way I am! first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

By far the most common questions I get from HSPs are, “Why can’t I be normal like everyone else?” “Why do I have to be so sensitive?” And “Why can’t other people understand and make it easier for me?”

My answers are simple:

1.  There is no normal.
2.  You are yourself and that’s as normal as it gets.
3.  Once you see your sensitivities as abilities meant to be celebrated, not something to bemoan, you’ll never see life the same way again.

I know, I know. Easier said than done. But not really. Not once you make a small shift in your way of thinking and have a few basic tools.

Let’s look at these beliefs in more detail.

As soon as we start believing that we, as HSPs, are different in a way that makes us vulnerable, we are viewing ourselves as victims. We say we want to be “normal,” but normal is nothing more than deciding we’d be better off not being who we are. We’d be better off being like “other people.” Neither of which is true. The reality is that being highly sensitive can mean a truly wonderful existence. But only if and when we are ready to stop believing that it’s up to other people to be different and do things differently for us. To make us feel better. To make us happier. To make things easier.

We’d all like to live in a world that is willing to accommodate us so we feel comfortable.

As soon as something happens to “make us” uncomfortable, we immediately feel the need—the compulsion—to make the world shift itself around in order for us to remain or revert to our comfortable spot. Feeling

• put out
• unlike yourself
• like a fish out of water
• like something is off…

. . . All these sensations cause such discomfort that we will do just about anything to change how we feel. There’s overindulging, avoiding, distracting, blaming…the list of potential ways to deny the discomfort is endless.

The bottom line

The bottom line, however unfortunate it seems, is this: Our sensitivity may be heightened, but we can never really expect the world to accommodate us.

I have come to realize that it is up to me to learn to be in my own alignment so the world does not “trigger me.” Saying that someone or something “triggers us” is like admitting that we have absolutely no power. That we are at the mercy of other people, whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, and the greater environment.

For years I asked myself, “Do I really want to live like this? I am such a victim of everything and everyone. There has to be a way to change the way I am—without sacrificing my sensitivity. Because my sensitivity is what makes me extra loving, extra generous and kind, extra compassionate, extra creative, extra empathetic, and extraordinary. Basically, just plain extra.”

The answer was NO! Which is why somehow, I had to tap into what would invite me to use all those wonderful traits without being constantly at risk for falling apart.

Yes, the world might feel threatened by the high sensitive’s ability to love and care, but only because, without realizing it, they are feeling the powerful vibration of our love energy. And when people feel threatened, they tend to go into flight or fight mode.

But on my part, there is another possibility for how I respond. I learned that I do not need to protect myself from these people. I don’t need to push against, hope for, change circumstances, wish things were different or people were different. All I have to do is learn to be in alignment with my highest self and love being there. Every day, in every way, over and over and over.

I learned that you don’t need to conquer fear and anxiety, but rather exist in your own state of natural harmony. You don’t need to avoid triggers, but rather not feel triggered in the first place. No matter what has happened in our past.

I have spent years developing tools to help others do the very same thing and without exception, it changes everything. [Check out my posts on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System.]

“Why can’t people understand that I’m sensitive and that I can’t help it?” Because it’s up to us as HSPs to develop our own sense of what’s normal–and love it.

I’ll say it again. I know it sounds simplistic.

But if I can do it, so can you.

The post Why can’t people understand that I’m sensitive and that I can’t help it? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.