By far the most common questions I get from HSPs are, “Why can’t I be normal like everyone else?” “Why do I have to be so sensitive?” And “Why can’t other people understand and make it easier for me?”

My answers are simple:

1.  There is no normal.
2.  You are yourself and that’s as normal as it gets.
3.  Once you see your sensitivities as abilities meant to be celebrated, not something to bemoan, you’ll never see life the same way again.

I know, I know. Easier said than done. But not really. Not once you make a small shift in your way of thinking and have a few basic tools.

Let’s look at these beliefs in more detail.

As soon as we start believing that we, as HSPs, are different in a way that makes us vulnerable, we are viewing ourselves as victims. We say we want to be “normal,” but normal is nothing more than deciding we’d be better off not being who we are. We’d be better off being like “other people.” Neither of which is true. The reality is that being highly sensitive can mean a truly wonderful existence. But only if and when we are ready to stop believing that it’s up to other people to be different and do things differently for us. To make us feel better. To make us happier. To make things easier.

We’d all like to live in a world that is willing to accommodate us so we feel comfortable.

As soon as something happens to “make us” uncomfortable, we immediately feel the need—the compulsion—to make the world shift itself around in order for us to remain or revert to our comfortable spot. Feeling

• put out
• unlike yourself
• like a fish out of water
• like something is off…

. . . All these sensations cause such discomfort that we will do just about anything to change how we feel. There’s overindulging, avoiding, distracting, blaming…the list of potential ways to deny the discomfort is endless.

The bottom line

The bottom line, however unfortunate it seems, is this: Our sensitivity may be heightened, but we can never really expect the world to accommodate us.

I have come to realize that it is up to me to learn to be in my own alignment so the world does not “trigger me.” Saying that someone or something “triggers us” is like admitting that we have absolutely no power. That we are at the mercy of other people, whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, and the greater environment.

For years I asked myself, “Do I really want to live like this? I am such a victim of everything and everyone. There has to be a way to change the way I am—without sacrificing my sensitivity. Because my sensitivity is what makes me extra loving, extra generous and kind, extra compassionate, extra creative, extra empathetic, and extraordinary. Basically, just plain extra.”

The answer was NO! Which is why somehow, I had to tap into what would invite me to use all those wonderful traits without being constantly at risk for falling apart.

Yes, the world might feel threatened by the high sensitive’s ability to love and care, but only because, without realizing it, they are feeling the powerful vibration of our love energy. And when people feel threatened, they tend to go into flight or fight mode.

But on my part, there is another possibility for how I respond. I learned that I do not need to protect myself from these people. I don’t need to push against, hope for, change circumstances, wish things were different or people were different. All I have to do is learn to be in alignment with my highest self and love being there. Every day, in every way, over and over and over.

I learned that you don’t need to conquer fear and anxiety, but rather exist in your own state of natural harmony. You don’t need to avoid triggers, but rather not feel triggered in the first place. No matter what has happened in our past.

I have spent years developing tools to help others do the very same thing and without exception, it changes everything. [Check out my posts on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System.]

“Why can’t people understand that I’m sensitive and that I can’t help it?” Because it’s up to us as HSPs to develop our own sense of what’s normal–and love it.

I’ll say it again. I know it sounds simplistic.

But if I can do it, so can you.

The post Why can’t people understand that I’m sensitive and that I can’t help it? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Getting shots has never been my idea of fun.

The past

When I was a little kid, my mother took us to a pediatrician named Dr. Glazer. Dr. Glazer was a brusque, no-nonsense kind of man. I assume he liked kids, being a kid doctor and all, but I was always sort of nervous around him. Sure, I only saw him for things like vaccines or when I was sick, but I never felt a bunch of warm fuzzies from the good doctor. Like I said, he was all business.

Case in point.

By the time came for the shot in the arm, I was already crying. Dr. Glazer and my mom muttered a few “Come on, now, it’s not that bad” and “It’ll be over before you know it” to placate me, but then things took a turn. Dr. Glazer, with a needle that seemed as long as his arm and raised above his head, would wheel his way from the counter to the examining table.  When he reached my side and took hold of my arm, my heart beat so fast I’d feel faint. And this is when he’d say, “I’m going to give you a little jab now, but you tell me when to stop, okay?”

A couple of seconds later, my eyes closed, I’d be crying, “Stop…stop, please stop” to see he had already removed the needle and was readying my arm to receive a Barbie Band-Aid and a lollipop. (It’s not like he was a dentist or anything. Although now, looking back on it, I sort of think doctors and dentists might be in cahoots like that.)

Anyway, the point is that there were several seconds—very, very long seconds—where I was sure that needle was still in my arm and panicking. Talk about trauma.

I’m willing to concede that Dr. Glazer probably used this little trick on all his small patients. And maybe it worked wonder with some of us with a fear of needles, though I don’t see how. I also understand how reverse psychology can work the same kind of wonder with some behavior trends. Again, though, not so much with me.

Why?

• Fear of the unknown.
• Fear of the known.
• Fear of the pain.
• Fear there might be pain.
• Fear that something that is sure to be painful will last a lot longer than you’ll be able to handle.

Need I go on?

The present

Today, being of a certain age, and having received quite a few shots in my time, I was not especially looking forward to the two vaccines I needed. In fact, as soon as I sat down in the chair and the technician started preparing her paraphernalia (I don’t even like saying the word “needle”), I closed my eyes and thought, Sometimes I wish I weren’t so darn sensitive.

The event

But then . . .

Guess what happened? I kind of Zenned out. I pulled in my little Psychic Octopus and told myself it would be over in seconds and I’d forget all about it. That I was grateful for the ability to receive the shot. That whatever it was in the shot would keep me healthy and that I was accepting it willingly and with loving intention.

And by the time I’d completed my little ritual of gratitude and self-awareness, the ordeal–the shot–really was over and the technician was placing a bright red Band-Aid on my arm. (No, no Barbie Band-Aids this time—which is fine because I’d never played with Barbie dolls anyway. I did note the box of min-Tootsie Roll Pops in the corner, but stifled my feeling of deservedness post-shot.)

What my HSP-ness has taught me to do

As an HSP, over time, and with the tools I’ve developed, I’ve learned to “unanticipate” certain events. Instead of spending my time and energy wishing I didn’t have to do something, anticipating how difficult or horrible or challenging or disturbing or sad or uncomfortable or painful an event might be, I think about other things. I remind myself that “this time tomorrow it’ll all be over” and “I’d rather be thinking about other things I like to think about.”

I don’t really know for sure whether the energies I’d pick up in the past were from other people in the environment, like doctors, nurses, other patients, my mother, etc., or were of my own projection, but being inside my own energy is such a relief.

My prescription? The HSP Prescription: Take One Dose of the HSP Toolbox Daily

Take one capsule of Psychic Octopus, one capsule of Being in Your Own Unique Alignment, and one capsule of Self-Love daily for symptoms—and celebration– of your HSP-ness.

The post The HSP Prescription: Take One Dose of the HSP Toolbox Daily first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Message from The Celestial Professor, Day 2 in LA

I’m here! Started to post yesterday, but crashed after a drive back and forth through LA traffic to the Huntington Museum to experience a myriad of gigundo oil paintings (exemplary examples of pomposity and opulence rivaling Versailles (exaggerating, maybe, but still…). Magnificent grounds with floral scents in every direction; hot sun, slow meanderings.

Is it possible for me, an HSP, to feel at home in LA?

I’m with my two BFFs from Massachusetts, “L” and “J”. We met when we were all 13, just at that incredibly awkward age where everything feels insurmountable–or did to me. I’d seen both of my friends at least a few times through the decades, but they hadn’t seen each other for over 30 years. We’re having a three-day look-at-who-and-where-we-are-now reunion. It’s like being back in college: airbeds, bathroom sharing, wine (not boxed anymore) and yummy food (not just cookies and ice cream the way we might have done back then).

The first night one of the airbeds deflated and one of us ended up on the floor. Last night, though, after a trip to one of the big box stores for a new one, we got better sleep . . . snores, sirens, and dogs notwithstanding. Living outside Seattle, in Boston, and in LA, with our various families, jobs, and lives, makes it pretty challenging to time visits, so this is a really special one.

All well and good.

I’m feeling pretty fortunate at the moment because my friend J, who navigates the world—and I mean all its countries all the time, is driving the car, negotiating and navigating the sea of cars, all the while commenting on the different makes and brands, listening to her map app, and telling stories about her life with the aplomb and comfort of a happy ant going about the business of life. I am in the backseat watching the cars and buildings and highways and byways scroll by as if it’s a movie. All I’ve really ever seen of LA before has been in the movies, as a matter of fact, apart from a few trips down I-5 on the way south, so I’m pleased with my removed movie-goer position in the backseat.

Then it all falls apart.

It doesn’t take long, before that flowing, streaming sea of cars turns into a mass of scary, angry, swarming bees. Not for my friends, who are quietly conversing and such, but for me. I stop looking out the window. I focus on the floor mat. I tell myself to breathe. All the energies of all those people doing all that crazy driving at high speeds on the biggest highway system in the universe.

Meanwhile, J and L are gabbing away. J is switching lanes with great calm and finesse. L, whose eyesight is extremely poor, is coaching J since this is L’s town. It could be J’s town, too, for all her relaxed attitude.

I can’t believe how Zen they are. I also can’t believe how, in the twinkle of an eye, I’ve morphed back into the old Heidi, the one of crippling anxiety and heart-pounding trepidation. I feel as if I’ve disappointed myself.

Time for a good old-fashioned talking-to.

I take a drink of water and close my eyes. “Heidi,” I say sternly in my head, “everything is perfect. You are not driving. J is a fantastic driver who works in the auto industry doing research into traffic patterns and such. You are in good hands. Your psychic octopus is so far out it’s reached Oregon in one direction and Mexico in the other. Don’t you think it’s time to walk the old talk, to utilize all the tools you know and love so well?”

Slowly, slowly, I concentrate on my breathing and then focus on reeling in my tentacles, one after the other. I can’t believe how good I feel after only a moment or two. It’s like I’ve remember who I really am. Not the “me” of the past who is intent on suffering and “what-if-ing” all the horrible things that might happen (and surely will because they always do, don’t they?), but the me who has internalized and integrated the necessary knowledge and tools for peace, calm, certainty, and resilience.

Gratitude for my HSP-ness

It’s hard to put in words just how grateful I felt in that moment, and how grateful I continue to feel that, while I was having this experiential flashback, I made the conscious choice to change the channel from slasher movie to one on hummingbirds.

We’re back at L’s apartment again now and I’m reliving this as I’m writing it all down for you. My point? I will never not be a bona fide HSP. But now I know how to be it and love it.

The post You’re an HSP. In Los Angeles traffic. And you’re losing it. first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

It’s a tough world out there for us singles, right? “There are no good ones out there” is something you hear on the lips of single people just as often in North Dakota as in New York City. When you’re looking for your soul mate, it seems like it’s the same story everywhere—regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, or political affiliation. On the other hand, sometimes it seems everyone “out there” has got what we don’t and what we want.

Is it as bad out there as you think it is?

For HSPs, the dating world can appear to present even more of a challenge. The traits that HSPs exhibit can be off-putting to others in ways we cannot even comprehend. Of, if we do understand the effect we have on people, we’ve already come to the conclusion that we really don’t want to change and question why we should in the first place.

The paradox of HSP-ism

The two faces of HSP-ism are where the paradox lies. We want to be ourselves. We want nothing more than to relish, celebrate, and love our sensitivities. But, out in the world, we feel constantly bombarded by the oppressiveness of “other.” The other way people think and feel. What they believe and value. What they want from us and what they want to share with us.

We find ourselves at a loss.

When we’re looking at evolving a potentially intimate relationship, there are so many ways the mind can keep us trapped. HSPs tend to leap impulsively ahead . . . or refuse to ever risk taking the leap. HSPs feel the need to share who they are right away . . . or stay locked in a box with the key inside. HSPs crave closeness . . . but have learned that their idea of closeness is usually not the same as other people’s.

What to do?

I can only offer my experience as a single hetero woman whose husband died 10 years ago, who is, on the scale of HSP-ness, a probable 8.5 out of 10, and as someone who’s been dating for a while now. Still, I believe this advice will serve anyone who’s a high sensitive and interested in pursuing an intimate relationship without the usual fear and trepidation or avoidance.

How to date when you’re an HSP

Sorry, but there’s no other way . . .

I really don’t like hitting the nail on the head over and over and over, but honestly? There’s no other way to say this. When you have established what it feels like to be in your own alignment, and you know how good that feels, you begin to not only draw to you the kinds of potential partners you’d like to have in your life, but you also aren’t disappointed in those who don’t meet your hopes and expectations.

When you’re no longer focused on what people will think of you, of how nervous or worried or fearful or defensive or anxious or jumpy you feel, it’s a lot easier to be in any situation, on any kind of date, and simply be there.

Focusing on maintaining your alignment is your sole focus. Sure, you’re interested in the person in front of you, learning about them, but that’s secondary to how YOU feel about YOU.

Dates become interesting. You go in with curiosity, not fear, anxiety, or defensiveness. When you’re an aware HSP, you go into every dating situation being your authentic self and being okay with whatever goes down. Your sensitivities provide insight, but, because your psychic octopus energetic tentacles are reeled in, you don’t feel like you’re noodling around in your date or losing yourself to the situation.

You’re you. You’re amazing. And you’re fine.

***

Keep an eye out for my new book, soon to be published: Elevating Your HSP-ness: How To Live a High-Frequency Life by Amplifying Your Vibration, Celebrating Your Sensitivities, & Uplifting the World

Check out my articles on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System.

Thank you for shining your light into the world!

The post The HSP-ness of Being Single, Dating, and Disillusioned first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

In Part 1 of HSPs & The Magic Pill, I talked about the way HSP-ism interacts with and is interlaced with symptoms, labeling of those symptoms, and diagnoses of those symptoms when you are an HSP. I talked about how much I yearned for a “magic pill” that would change my life.

Again, I do not advocate for nor am I against the use of medication for any purpose prescribed by your medical professional. What I present here is simply another way to interpret some of the symptoms–psychological, chemical, mental, emotional, and physical, you may be experiencing as a high-sensitive person. Like me.

Are you living in the label you’ve been giving?

In Part 1, you read about how I began taking Prozac against my husband’s wishes and fully immersed in my own shame that I “needed it.” I don’t think that shame has ever completely gone away. Needing something implies a weakness, and being weak is bad, right? That’s what I thought.

The incredible thing was that within days I was getting out of bed in the morning for the first time in my life that I could recall with actual enthusiasm. Gone was the “Omigod, another day, groan” thing. GONE. I couldn’t believe that this tiny pill called Prozac could make such a difference in my experience. The cloud of shame under which I lived had to stay buried in order to allow this new me to shine. Because I kept the fact that I was “on an anti-depression medication” under wraps, eventually Randy stopped asking me about it; we silently agreed to not speak about it, pretend it didn’t exist. The shame didn’t go away, but I gave up trying to make it go away.

Life changes in ways you cannot possibly expect

And now it’s 2012 and Randy is dying. Over the almost two decades we’d been together, I’d been on and off meds periodically, but  mostly off. I really wanted to “make it on my own” without the help of drugs. I cannot stress how much energy it took to pretend everything was okay. Especially after Randy’s illness began taking a more severe toll and my level of anxiety ramped up and the thought most prevalent in my mind was, “I can’t deal with this. I can’t deal with this.” Over and over it ran, even though I was dealing with it, one painful day at a time.

When the worst happened, all the “what ifs” came to pass, when I was left to scrape myself together, I’m really not sure why I didn’t go back on medication. I can see where it would have helped carve out a space for me to begin to cope. It seems I’d developed a sort of stubborn sense of what was right and what was wrong and what was weak and what was strong—and that no matter how weak I felt, I could not give in.

I don’t share any of this in support of medication or to steer anyone a way from medication. And I do not share my story to whine about the past. My only purpose here is to share how I made the transition from someone who “needed drugs” to someone who doesn’t.

Label, labels, and more labels

I know that my “anxiety disorder” is just another aspect of hyper-sensitivity, but that hyper-sensitivity is just another aspect of being highly intuitive and it’s completely within my power to use that intuition without getting caught up in the energy of it. Now it doesn’t feel like anxiety; it feels like the energy of intuition, curiosity, and inspiration.

I know that my “chronic depression” is just another mislabeling—believing that my intuitive sensitivities  were wrong, bad, and a problem, and that shutting down was the only way to survive. Now I know that when/if I feel the energy, the frequency, of so-called “depression,” it’s really only an energy reminding me to listen, really listen, to whatever message might be coming in. Just because I assign a label to a feeling, an emotional feeling like “depression,” does not mean that’s what it is.

So often, in fact almost always, these kinds of feelings are not what they appear to be. If no label existed, would I still feel the way I feel? Quite possibly. And yet, what if the label were not “you are depressed,” but “you are being guided to listen to your intuition”? How might that change our perception of that energetic experience?

For me, it changed everything and continues to be the way I live my life. Things are not always what they appear to be, even by consensus. “Uncomfortable” is not necessarily bad. What looks like a duck and quacks like a duck is not always a duck.

Consider new options. Learn a new way. Give yourself a break. Think differently. Wonder. Be curious. Open to the possibilities.

You won’t regret it.

The post Are you still looking for a magic pill to change your life? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

How do you become who you are? I’ve asked myself this question many times through the years, mostly because I’m so surprised at where I keep “ending up.” Especially since we all know that there is no “ending” until . . . well, there is.

No matter the length of the retrospective, it can be illuminating as a catalyst in moving forward. From the perspective of where I am now, I can understand a lot about how I got here. I grew up in an atmosphere of education and learning, equaled only by the ever-present churning inside me to comprehend the universe in a way that made sense. What a paradox it was! How do you live your life as a human when you feel like an alien species deposited in a strange land? When you’re sure you were left only with a wave and a vague suggestion to figure it out for yourself until the time comes for you to depart.

Low-functioning HSP-ism

I stumbled along. Sometimes severely low-functioning; often appearing high-functioning . . . the consummate HSP. That Highly Sensitive Person who felt everything 1000 times more than anyone else, could not understand the way the world worked or people behaved, or the way I was supposed to behave in it. A fish permanently out of water, gasping for breath every step of the way just to stay alive and moving from one day to the next, one crisis to the next.

The common traits of HSP-ism

I felt terrified, abused, ignored, overwhelmed. Over-protected, indulged, and loved–somewhat conditionally— based on my current level of handling whatever it was I was supposed to be handling. I was disillusioned by the world, but knew it was all my fault; blamed myself for being crazy, over-emotional, “too much.” I prayed to be understood, to feel accepted, yet only felt discouraged and unworthy. My life was guided by standards of achievement, which were expected to be met no matter the topic or goal. Loving intention in my environment, admittedly no small thing, could never be enough to mitigate how adrift I felt in my life.

Who were all these people around me who were so confident? How did they get that way? Why did I feel like crying all the damn time? What did they know that I didn’t know?

Death changes everything

Honestly, it was not until my husband Randy transitioned in 2012 that my life took the dramatic turn it apparently needed to clear the way for a true awakening. All the usual challenges—how to live without a beloved spouse, how to go about daily life when suddenly you are one, not a partnership of two, and so on—were enormous, yet it led to the emergent, deep-seated revelatory truth I’d been waiting for.

• Sure, I’d gone to Harvard University, yet never really understood how I got there or how I managed to graduate.
• Sure, I’d raised two children, much of the time as a single parent, yet felt terminally inadequate.
• Sure, I’d worked in some capacity for all these years—as a professional flautist, corporate trainer, counselor, medical transcriptionist, and longtime editor the owner of Harvard Girl Word Services—yet felt supremely unworthy of my own accomplishments.

The dark, dark night of the soul

Now, without my husband at my side, it was time to take a good, hard, long look at who I’d become—or hadn’t. I was 50+ years older, yet the same anxiety-ridden, prone-to-depression, fear-filled, tired person I had always been. Sometimes happier, sometimes sadder, sometimes more productive, sometimes less. But always, always, unsure of myself, my place in the world, my purpose.

On becoming high-functioning

High Sensitives like me—like us—can be really good at what we do. The thing is, we can be so filled with misgiving that we would rather stay anonymously in the background than stand out in the limelight. For example, I was happier to be praised for “channeling the messages” of others through writing than write material of my own—to put my name on the cover. To stay safe in a world where too much attention meant taking responsibility for the attention I might receive. The deep desire to be “seen” never surpasses our deeper need to stay hidden. Being discovered means being known for the fearful mess we can feel we are and are ashamed to be.

If any of this resonates with you, please know that the way ahead for you can be very different. You don’t have to wait until you’re 30 or 40 or 50 (the way I did) to feel inspired to live, and capable of living, a beautiful life.

What’s  your journey?

Of course, my journey is not yours. Writing a book with your dead husband after he’s transitioned about forming a relationship with those on the other side of the veil may not be in the stars for you. The only reason I am here now communicating with you, the HSPs of the world, is to share that you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You have so much more to offer the world than the world might acknowledge. Your talents and abilities are not only valid and valuable, but the very talents and abilities that keep the world in balance, keep it from going over to the dark side, and are the saving grace of all humanity.

Sure, it’s a big statement, but I stand behind it.

Tools & techniques for the HSPs of the world–for YOU!

With the incredible realizations and tools and techniques I have acquired along the way, however, I am no longer that person. The kernel of who I was remains, but instead of rotting away from neglect, it has happily blossomed into something, someone, authentic and alive and full of life.

No, it doesn’t always happen all at once. It was more like the unraveling of a slow-moving epiphany than a Big Bang. Like the psychic octopus: Learning that Heidi hadn’t really existed at all, just the energy of other people who’d been invited in to take residence in her mind, body, and spirit.

Like the UES: Learning that I had a Unique Energetic Signature all my own—that all I had to do was identify it, feel it, know it . . . live in it.

That’s what I’m here to share with you. The ideas in Elevating Your HSP-ness will knock your socks off. They will change your life. They will support you through thick and thin. They will really, really, REALLY shift the way you see yourself and the world. They will invite you to realize that you are, and have always been, perfect and perfectly positioned to shine a light in a world that needs it more than ever. A combination of all I have learned and been in my life—the “professorial” element—and all I have ever experienced spiritually and emotionally—that has integrated into an identity I could never have imagined, into who I am today.

This bit of music from my healing guided collection should help you do the same.

The post When you feel lost, don’t give up. It’s the time for a change. first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Negative self-talk

The body cannot distinguish between an actual event and a thought. When you think fearful thoughts, the emotions you feel are the emotions that are saying, “I am in danger; there is an actual danger here.” So what happens? You feel the emotion of agitation, fear, or anxiety, both emotionally and throughout your body. Unfortunately, this kind of useless, dysfunctional thinking has a long-term effect on the us, too,  and actually removes the body’s ability to recover from illness, to stay healthy.

What gets your attention?

Look at it this way. Do the nice things that happen in your life receive a lot of your attention? Maybe you share something good that’s happened today with someone, but after that it’s out of sight, out of mind. It’s the negative stuff that gets all the rehashing. First in your own head, and then outwardly when you share those things with others.

Self-talk is really the issue for HSPs because when the mind constantly generates thoughts of self-judgment and negativity, that’s the way life becomes. Externalizing that feeling about life only brings more of it to us. We talk to people who are happy to complain and whine along with us and get the justification we need to keep whining. We feel supported.

Negative self-talk causes a negative state of consciousness

But here’s the thing. Negative events cause a predominant state of consciousness that’s negative! You’ve probably heard this or similar statements a million times. The difference here is that we take that (not always immediately recognizable) correlation between your mental/emotional state and what happens to you, your associations, your work, etc., and cut that correlation. Sever the cord. Untie the binds. See what I mean?

Who do you judge?

Naturally, it’s easier to recognize negativity in others than it is in yourself. Much easier to judge others than yourself. Easier to want someone else to change so you don’t have to . . . so your discomfort or distaste or disregard will go away.

You wouldn’t be reading this if you were not motivated to awaken from the stupor of discomfort, dissatisfaction, disillusionment, or depression. Being motivated is the first step to conscious awareness. Motivation opens the mind, body, and spirit to a new way of thinking, which causes a new way of feeling, which causes a new way of being and living.

Why affirmations don’t work

It’s not enough to speak or think affirmations if you don’t feel their truth. You need to use tools like the Psychic Octopus to truly understand your HSP sensibilities to the degree that you can benefit from them.

You also need to learn who you are, inside and out, to stay present and aligned (the state of feeling good, of intimately knowing your Unique Energetic Signature), no matter what is going on around you.

Can you do it? Absolutely!!!

Do you have to understand it, know it, do it, have it, see it, live it all at once? Definitely not.

If you’re still wearing your suit of misery, it might be time to give it up

You just have to want it more than you want to stay in the place that feels uncomfortably comfortable—or maybe comfortably uncomfortable. That place where you’ve been wearing the Suit of Misery for so long that it’s the only item of clothing you ever wear. No matter how filthy it gets, no matter how ratty and holey it is, you’d rather keep wearing it than buy a new one because buying a new one comes with too many “problems.” Fit. Cost. Effort. The “breaking- in” factor. I mean, who wants to deal with all that, right?

If that’s your story, you are free to stick to it.

If you want to change your story, maybe it’s time to buy a new suit.

The post It’s time to exchange your old suit for a new one first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Pretty early on in my life I discovered there was pill for anxiety. Everyone knew such pills were only for housewives trying to numb out their lives (think Jacqueline Suzann and Valley of the Dolls). I never knew anyone who took them or where to get them had I wanted them. Still, I wished there were something to take away the pain. You know, a magic pill that would cure me. An “anti-me” pill: anti-anxiety, anti-depression, anti-everything pill.

I was living in married students’ housing in Ann Arbor, MI when I met Beth and her husband. She was another musician and he was a scientist in the field of pharmaceuticals. Beth and I hung out a lot. Seems we could commiserate on a lot of things. Having babies and raising kids while our husbands were busy working and going to school; being super-sensitive and hyperaware every moment of the day; feeling overwhelmed by it all as we supported each other for being two wonderfully loving, if self-deprecating, women.

Prozac? Are you kidding me?

One day Beth told me her husband and his team had developed this new drug called Prozac, which was supposed to help relieve the symptoms of depression. Well, count me in, right?

Wrong.

Drugs? Me? Never! I should be able to deal with my own issues (from the panic attacks to the generalized fear to the postpartum depression) by myself. Otherwise, I was weak and unworthy. And the same went for you. If you couldn’t handle your life, there had to be something wrong with you. 

15 years later

Okay, so now it’s 15 years later. I’ve been divorced from that husband and remarried to a wonderful man who was at least as sensitive as I was. Incredible! He wasn’t scared off by my intensity or my tears. In fact, he could go there as fast as I could. It was a marriage made in heaven.

And yet . . .

I still suffered internally. I was afraid of being a bad mother and a bad partner. Afraid of not doing or being enough. And on and on and on. There was no stopping me. Just think of all the energy I used being so anxious that could have been put to another use. By then, Prozac had been on the market all that time and, in the back of my mind, I really, really wanted to see if it could help me. Still, “taking drugs” was a Very Bad Thing To Do. It meant you were really all those things people said you were. And none of them were good.

Which is worse? Being who I was or “taking drugs”?

Finally, though, at some point, I realized I had reached a point that no matter what my external circumstances, my internal voice was struggling to stay sane. So, yeah, I went to the shrink and got myself some good old-fashioned Prozac. The incredible thing was that within days I was getting out of bed in the morning for the first time in my life that I could recall with actual enthusiasm. Gone was the “Omigod, another day, groan” thing. GONE.

My husband was horrified. I’d been so good at keeping my depression secret that he could not believe I “needed something like that” to fix me. Wasn’t I happy with him? Didn’t we have a good life?

“I can’t help it. I was born that way.”

I tried to explain my situation in terms of science. “You see,” I told him, “it’s just that it’s a chemical thing and there’s’ really nothing I can do about it. I was born that way. It’s not psychological, it’s chemical, and I need help to be okay.”

He was not happy. He felt he wasn’t enough.

I wasn’t happy. I felt I wasn’t enough. Plus, I knew now that I was truly broken.

I kept the fact that I was “taking drugs” secret, much as I’d kept my state of being secret. Inside I felt ashamed and guilty even though I’d never felt so free from the weight that had kept me down all those years.

In a twist of fate worthy of a fairy tale, it wasn’t until the death of my husband Randy that everything became clear. . . .

To Be Continued

Stay tuned for Part 2 of HSPs and the Magic Pill in tomorrow’s message.

The post HSPs and the Magic Pill: We all wish we had one first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

From Highly Sensitive Person to Heroically, Inherently Bad-Ass

I’ll tell you what . . .

I got tired of being told I was too sensitive by the time I was about 5. That’s when I began to understand that I was being told in no uncertain terms that my feelings didn’t matter as much as other people’s and that in order to “get along” I needed to stop expressing them. Not that I was able to truly comprehend the magnitude of such an understanding. Over time, it simply seeped into my brain, soul, and heart. The constant message that it was risky, dangerous even, to express what I felt, what I felt I knew, what felt right, what my “gut” was telling me. Naturally, the more time that went by, the more my happy little joyful free child self became an introverted, terrified-I’d-be-discovered self. It’s taken me years (you don’t want to know how many) to unlearn that behavior. To discover that the fearful person I was, is not the confident person I started out as when I came into the world.

I meet people every day that are . . .

• Afraid to speak out/up
• Are afraid to be who they are
• Afraid to put forth their opinion
• Afraid to be “wrong” (according to the standards of others, whoever those others are in that moment)
• Afraid to “fail” (according to the standards of others, whoever those others are in that moment)

It could be the lovely, shy person behind the counter at the gym or the gas station attendant afraid to look you in the eye. The musicians who have  a hard time communicating other than on their instruments. The alcoholic or the drug addict who’s more comfortable hiding in those places and spaces than they are expression who they are.

Birth………..Life………….Death

Birth

The beginning of life as a human is birth, at least in terms of awareness as we know it. We come into the world, out of the womb, not only with the awareness our soul had while in that womb, but now with the awareness of all our senses that engage in a whole new way.

Death

We often consider the opposite of LIFE to be DEATH. But BIRTH is actually the opposite of DEATH. It is the beginning and the ending of our physical form in the 3-D world as we know it. Birth is the entry into life and death is the exit out of life. The inhale . . . and the exhale.

Life

LIFE, on the other hand, is what happens between birth and death. It’s all the stuff in between. It’s where we spend however many years breathing in . . . and out to perpetuate the life we’ve been given.

For most of us the fear of death is seen as the fear of the ending of life, but I think it’s much more than that. I think the fear of death starts at a very early age when all the other fears begin to manifest. All those fears listed above start the trend. The very act of breathing becomes difficult when you’re afraid, and breathing is everything. The shallow breath is representative of these fears that result in the biggest fear of all: death. The Biggest Ending of All. Yet, in my way of thinking, it is really the fear of letting go that has evolved into the fear of dying. Letting go of is another way to say “able to express.”

• If I let go of the fear of speaking up, I feel good about expressing myself.
• If I let go of the fear of being who I am, I feel capable of evolving as I move through life.
• If I let go of the fear of putting forth my opinion, I can also be unafraid of listening to the opinions of others.
• If I let go of the fear of being “wrong,” according to the standards of others which have now become my own beliefs and standards and values, I am free to develop my own definitions of what feels right for me.
• If I let go of the fear of “failure,” I not only let go of the tendency to self-sabotage, self-criticize, and potentially bully others, but step into the realm of creative, inspirational thought for no other reason than to see where my thoughts, sensations, and feelings might lead.

In other words . . . Be the Bad-Ass: Let go of the fears we have been taught into the freedom of being the BAD-ASSES we truly are.

Every day is about reminding myself to remember that the “Highly Sensitive Person” I thought and felt I was is actually the Heroically Inherently Bad-Ass being that I am.

The post How to get from point A to point B when you’re an HSP first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Leaping was easy when you were a kid. It’s time to leap into being the brilliant HSP  you were created to be!

How do you get to be a BADASS . . .  the abundantly brilliant, consciously aware, amazingly dynamic, unapologetically adept, and unambiguously sensational being you were created to be?

First, you probably need to have a “psychic opening.”

I wouldn’t necessarily recommend doing it the way I did. You know, the whole dark-night-of-the-soul experience that takes you so far down into the morass of hell that you almost forget there’s any other place that ever exited. Yeah, that place. So, no, if you don’t need to go there, don’t.

On the other hand.

Sometimes that’s what it takes to have the psychic opening you need to crack wide the tightly wrapped egg-like structure (feels hard until it breaks at the slightest touch) of the depths of you.

What happened to me: My psychic opening

There I was, stuck in British Columbia, in a place I knew nothing about, with people I’d never met, working on a book with a medium I had just met, because my dead husband had told her to contact me.

I know. I thought it was nuts, too.

Randy had only died a few months earlier and I was in no condition to travel anywhere. I could barely get out of bed in the morning, let alone think about getting in my car and driving to Canada or to an airport to fly on an actual plane with actual crowds of people. My panic attacks were worsening. I woke up to my heart pounding and went to sleep—eventually and only after sheer exhaustion—with my heart pounding. The incessant, rapid thumping in my chest was telling me, “You’re in trouble. Your life has caught up to you. You’re dying. You’ll never make it–wherever that might be. Give up.”

Honestly, if it weren’t for this woman’s phone call (“Hello, my name is ____ and Randy told me to call you to say we have to work together on a book”) I may have opted out. The discomfort of living in my own body with my own thoughts and my own emotions was so great that shutting down once and for all felt like a viable option.

The Spirit World is on your side.

Without explaining herself with any specificity, this woman I didn’t know told me I was supposed to stay with her in Canada, work with her, and help her write her book. That Randy was guiding the process. Orchestrating on my (our) behalf.

Looking back, I know it was the lifeline I needed. I felt myself moving through the murky waters of grief to renew my passport, buy a suitcase, pack my bags, purchase a laptop for traveling until one day I arrived on Vancouver Island wondering how in heck I’d gotten there. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I fully began to realize the way the Spirit World and my “gatekeeper,” Randy, was orchestrating so brilliantly to help me live a happier life.

She told me I was having a “psychic opening.”

It took a month for me to hear anything anyone was saying to me, even while I was writing and editing. It took another month for me to hear the words “psychic opening” and understand it had anything to do with me. That everything I knew, believed I knew; felt and believed I felt; thought and believed I thought was pretty much wrong. Or at least upside-down or something other than correct. The first time I heard it I went speechless. They were words, but words that could not possibly apply to me.

What if what you feel is not what you feel?

If you’re reading this, you probably know what it’s like to live life with anxiety and fear and emotional excess. The idea that someone would tell you that it’s because “you’re having a psychic opening” is just as probably not something you’ve ever heard before. But, when I tell you it’s what turned my life around, I’m not exaggerating. I’m not using hyperbole to make a point. I’m simply stating a fact.

When I share the news with clients that this is what is happening to them, most often they look at me like I’m crazy. They’ve been told their emotional states have been “over the top” and “too much” for so long that looking at them any other way seems completely unfathomable. Ridiculous even.

As “HSPs,” It’s time to embrace the concept that YOU can be highly intuitive and phenomenally strong at the same time. . . .

Be the Brilliant HSP You Were Created To Be!

As I said in my last post, it’s time to take the leap into your “BADASS-edness”: you abundantly brilliant, consciously aware, amazingly dynamic, unapologetically adept, and unambiguously sensational–being you were created to be!

It’s about going from unhappy to happy, unempowered to empowered. Into laughing and loving and generally feeling that life is more, not less, than it was cracked up to be. 

Will you feel this way all the time? Probably not. Neither do I. But the pauses in between are getting smaller.

Or you might say that I’m living in the pauses themselves.

Yeah…no. It’s much too far from anything they know, much too off the wall from anything they’ve ever heard, to consider.

And yet, it’s the truth.

Take the leap into your BADASS-edness!

And once you step into the truth and work within its brilliantly high-frequency resolution of competency and awareness, the release is stupendous. The relief is like the biggest breath you’ve ever taken. The renewal is as powerful as the strongest adrenaline surge.

But the best thing about being a brilliant HSP?

You’re one forever.

The post You can be the Brilliant HSP You Were Created To Be! first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.