When you’re an HSP, you can hide or seek–or just plain BE!!

It’s your choice.

Last night I was hanging out with a few new-ish friends. Turns out all of them are high-sensitives. When one of us told the story about how he needed 10 times the anesthesia most people need before he could have the procedure he’d just undergone, all of us chimed in, exclaiming we’d all had the same experience. “At the dentist I need 3 shots of Novocain instead of one,” I said (poor me). “You do, too?” asked another. “It takes so much to make me numb, but without it I’m a basket case” (poor me).

While this may surprise you, what I’ve discovered is that there are two basic paths those of us who are highly sensitive take:

• We back off from life and avoid everything we possibly can if it feels uncomfortable.
• We pretend we’re not who we are and we don’t feel the way we feel so as to appear as “normal” as possible.
• We complain a lot so we can receive the understanding and compassion we believe we need.

Struggling with it, dealing with it, or becoming who we are with it all.

We develop defense mechanisms over our lives that enable us to have relationships, hold down jobs, and deal with the world at large. The problem (the opportunity!) is that in discovering ways that avoiding and pretending keeps us safe, we end up in the same place: feeling disconnected from self and others.

Some of us drink. Some of us deflect with humor. Some of us complain and whine about how much pain we’re in…how no one understands how hard it is to be us. How people need to accommodate our sensitivities.

Screw that!

Well, I’m here to say, Screw that! Screw the idea that I’m a victim of my sensitivities. That I’m less than, weaker than, less capable than other people because they feel less. Emotionally less. Physically less. Overall less in general.

• Do they appear to feel less because they’ve worked so hard to appear that way? Most of my clients admit to hiding their sensitivities their whole lives because they’re afraid of what will happen, the response they’ll get.
• Do they feel less because they were born that way? My sister hardly ever needs any Novocain because she was born with a higher pain tolerance. Lots of doctors are like that (my sister’s a scientist, btw). They tell you to suck it up because you’re whining about the pain you feel when they’ve never felt pain in the way you feel it.
• Have they decided you’re “too much work”? Do they tell you that “accommodating” your sensitivities is too much to handle? That your “intensity” requires too much from them?

Take the HIGH Road

I’m here to say: “Take the high road!” Stop whining about the pain you feel—on whatever level you feel it, physically, mentally, emotionally—and embrace who you are. Don’t ask everyone else to accommodate you and your needs.  You don’t need to change the depth and breadth of your sensitivities, only the way you relate to them, your perspective about what they mean, how they affect you, and how you perceive them. Ask the dentist for more Novocain. Tell your partner you’d rather stay home and read a book than join a crowd of a 1000 people to listen to loud music.

Take care of yourself!

Stop and Listen!

Learning that my coughing/choking is an indicator of self-criticism invites me to be in the moment. I cough or I choke and snap, the light goes on. “Oh, I must have had a demeaning thought. Wow, I didn’t even realize I was running that dialogue in my head.” Every single time it becomes obvious that’s exactly what happened. I was thinking less of myself than warranted, than I love I deserve. It’s spirit’s way of getting my attention to STOP and LISTEN!

When I start sneezing uncontrollably out of nowhere, due to what I perceive as “nothing in particular,” I immediately look at what’s really going on. Not which plants are blooming, necessarily, or what dryer sheets my neighbor is using, but what I am resisting in the moment. Am I peeved at my neighbor? Resistance. Was I thinking about something I “should” do, but didn’t want to do? Resistance. Sneezing is another way that spirit gets my attention—fast—and lets me know that resistance is afoot.

The less we pay attention to the message, the louder the message gets.

Message of the day

HSP message of the day

It’s time to stop and listen. To stop being the victim.

It’s up to us to hide…or seek.