Just because someone is high-functioning doesn’t mean they’re not highly sensitive. All it really means, at least if they’re in a healthy state of mind, body, and soul, is that they’ve somehow learned to direct their sensitivities and kick them up a notch or two.

Anderson Cooper is a journalist, and a great one. But he’s also, apparently, an emotional and loving father. You have to imagine he’s pretty adept at organizing his life, and was probably a darn good student as well. All great qualities, but nothing to do with the qualities of being an HSP.

Could Anderson Cooper be one of US? Could he be an HSP?

I think he might be. How do I know? Because—though I’m the first to admit that I’m no Anderson Cooper in a zillion different ways!—I am, and have been, high-functioning for a large percentage of my life.

But the real point I’m trying to make is that being an HSP does not preclude being deliberately, determinedly, and successfully high-functioning.

On the other hand, just because you’re high-functioning does not necessarily mean you’re happy or even content. It certainly doesn’t mean self-satisfied, self-reliant, or full of self-worth.

All it means is that you have the skills to do whatever it is you want or have chosen or sometimes have been coerced to do well enough to get the job done. You could be a dishwasher or you could be a museum curator. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re convinced you’re good at it or feel good doing it. It’s even possible you suffer from Imposter Syndrome, where, no matter how good you are at what you do, you still feel inadequate.

Ever wonder why actors tend toward screwed up personal lives?

We usually attribute their “problems” to too much fame and fortune. And, certainly, without those things they wouldn’t be in the situation they’re in.

But there’s more to it than that. There’s also the obvious fact that so many of them are highly sensitive people.

Can you imagine being an HSP who knows you take on other people’s energy, but don’t know what to do about it? Can you imagine being on a movie set with hundreds of movie people all milling about doing their jobs—many of them interacting with you—for hours and hours every single day? Can you imagine what it’s like to feel the feelings of the character you’re acting without feeling some kind of aftermath of leftover energy trails?

I can’t.

Sure, I’ve worked as a musician in orchestras; a human resource trainer in corporate America; a counselor for teenagers. But at no point did I recognize that the tremendous weight I carried around was due to all the energy of others flooding my being.

Sadly, even once I had an inkling that was what was going on, I still had no idea what to do about it.

Sometimes people seem to figure it out on their own.

Anderson Cooper seems to have figured it out on his own. Not that we have any idea what it’s like being Gloria Vanderbilt’s son, born and bred in his unusually eccentric circumstances. Maybe he’s had years of therapy, right? I mean, who can say? We surely don’t know how much of what we see is an act, being that he’s a TV personality and all.

But when I heard him talk about the loss of his brother to suicide and the recent death of his mother and how he wants nothing more than to pass on to his children who these people were to him “without it being cloaked in sadness,” I felt his willingness to dip into the pain of the loss and rise out again through love for his children.

We are not all Anderson Coopers.

We are not all super smart or super rich or super talented.

Yet, as HSPs, we are ALL fully capable of bringing out the best in ourselves by elevating the sensitivities we have so they serve us and all of humanity.

The post High-Functioning versus High-Sensitive: Are they mutually exclusive? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

It’s no wonder that being a person with heightened sensitivities carries with it an extra charge around the experience of loss. I mean, think about it. Put a person that experiences your deeper than average feelings and sensations and add the death of someone beloved? It’s a recipe for combustion.

But it’s also a recipe for freedom.

It’s really not enough to say, “I’m more sensitive, so of course I’m going to be more affected.” The fact is that we are constantly looking for ways to express how we feel—the freedom to express how we feel—because so much of our time is spent trying not to express how we feel. You  know, all the sticky stuff. The things for other people that may seem all in a day’s work, but for us mean trepidation or panic or pain or exhaustion.

What happens when death is involved

In our society, when you lose someone to death, suddenly an opening occurs. You are offered a sort of reprieve from the “buck up and deal with it” way of life. People are more willing to let you cry openly, talk about your feelings, reveal your emotional state through what you say, do, eat, or undertake. Even if it still makes them miserably uncomfortable.

In other words, grieving becomes a logical reason for your emotional state, which somehow makes it easier and more acceptable for others to handle.

Is grieving a good thing?

The thing about grief is that being in that state also makes it okay for us. You know, the ones who are doing the grieving. It opens the door for our more authentic selves to peek through the curtains behind which we are constantly, dedicatedly, hiding. We get more leeway to be who we are, act the way we might act, and respond the way we might respond when we can point to loss as the reason behind it all.

I’m not saying that we are using death as an excuse! All I’m saying is that it takes an inordinate amount of energy to plug the valve of your state of being on a constant basis. Energy to control, mitigate, calm, or annihilate through whatever means you decide works for you. Is it food? Or drugs? Or isolation? Whatever it is, it takes a powerfully high level of energy to deflect attention from the state of your being. It’s as if we’re storing it up like a bunch of nuts in a squirrel’s hideaway that we never get to use unless something “acceptable” comes along. Something like death.

Death sucks

I’m also not saying that death of someone you love (or have any kind of relationship with) isn’t a big deal. In fact, there’s pretty much nothing like it on the scale of what sucks. Still, I know that if I hadn’t been so weighed down, so burdened by my own need to hide what I felt about everything under the sun, I might not have collapsed so completely upon the death of my husband. The plug in the value came off and out came years of repressed, suppressed freak-out.

The first step in not feeling you have to hide is accepting your HSP-ness for what it is: A true blessing. In order to do that, we need to dedicate ourselves to knowing there is another answer beyond “coping.” A much easier, user-friendly approach that is committed to opening, heightening, and exemplifying.

We all admit that loss and death are part of life, but that doesn’t usually help us when the time comes to deal with it. As a Highly Sensitive Person, though, death does not have to crush us like a bolder on an ant.

Know yourself. Express yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself. That’s where it all starts.

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Check out my posts on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System.

Thank you for shining your light into the world!

The post Death, Loss, & The HSP first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

How do you become who you are? I’ve asked myself this question many times through the years, mostly because I’m so surprised at where I keep “ending up.” Especially since we all know that there is no “ending” until . . . well, there is.

No matter the length of the retrospective, it can be illuminating as a catalyst in moving forward. From the perspective of where I am now, I can understand a lot about how I got here. I grew up in an atmosphere of education and learning, equaled only by the ever-present churning inside me to comprehend the universe in a way that made sense. What a paradox it was! How do you live your life as a human when you feel like an alien species deposited in a strange land? When you’re sure you were left only with a wave and a vague suggestion to figure it out for yourself until the time comes for you to depart.

Low-functioning HSP-ism

I stumbled along. Sometimes severely low-functioning; often appearing high-functioning . . . the consummate HSP. That Highly Sensitive Person who felt everything 1000 times more than anyone else, could not understand the way the world worked or people behaved, or the way I was supposed to behave in it. A fish permanently out of water, gasping for breath every step of the way just to stay alive and moving from one day to the next, one crisis to the next.

The common traits of HSP-ism

I felt terrified, abused, ignored, overwhelmed. Over-protected, indulged, and loved–somewhat conditionally— based on my current level of handling whatever it was I was supposed to be handling. I was disillusioned by the world, but knew it was all my fault; blamed myself for being crazy, over-emotional, “too much.” I prayed to be understood, to feel accepted, yet only felt discouraged and unworthy. My life was guided by standards of achievement, which were expected to be met no matter the topic or goal. Loving intention in my environment, admittedly no small thing, could never be enough to mitigate how adrift I felt in my life.

Who were all these people around me who were so confident? How did they get that way? Why did I feel like crying all the damn time? What did they know that I didn’t know?

Death changes everything

Honestly, it was not until my husband Randy transitioned in 2012 that my life took the dramatic turn it apparently needed to clear the way for a true awakening. All the usual challenges—how to live without a beloved spouse, how to go about daily life when suddenly you are one, not a partnership of two, and so on—were enormous, yet it led to the emergent, deep-seated revelatory truth I’d been waiting for.

• Sure, I’d gone to Harvard University, yet never really understood how I got there or how I managed to graduate.
• Sure, I’d raised two children, much of the time as a single parent, yet felt terminally inadequate.
• Sure, I’d worked in some capacity for all these years—as a professional flautist, corporate trainer, counselor, medical transcriptionist, and longtime editor the owner of Harvard Girl Word Services—yet felt supremely unworthy of my own accomplishments.

The dark, dark night of the soul

Now, without my husband at my side, it was time to take a good, hard, long look at who I’d become—or hadn’t. I was 50+ years older, yet the same anxiety-ridden, prone-to-depression, fear-filled, tired person I had always been. Sometimes happier, sometimes sadder, sometimes more productive, sometimes less. But always, always, unsure of myself, my place in the world, my purpose.

On becoming high-functioning

High Sensitives like me—like us—can be really good at what we do. The thing is, we can be so filled with misgiving that we would rather stay anonymously in the background than stand out in the limelight. For example, I was happier to be praised for “channeling the messages” of others through writing than write material of my own—to put my name on the cover. To stay safe in a world where too much attention meant taking responsibility for the attention I might receive. The deep desire to be “seen” never surpasses our deeper need to stay hidden. Being discovered means being known for the fearful mess we can feel we are and are ashamed to be.

If any of this resonates with you, please know that the way ahead for you can be very different. You don’t have to wait until you’re 30 or 40 or 50 (the way I did) to feel inspired to live, and capable of living, a beautiful life.

What’s  your journey?

Of course, my journey is not yours. Writing a book with your dead husband after he’s transitioned about forming a relationship with those on the other side of the veil may not be in the stars for you. The only reason I am here now communicating with you, the HSPs of the world, is to share that you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You have so much more to offer the world than the world might acknowledge. Your talents and abilities are not only valid and valuable, but the very talents and abilities that keep the world in balance, keep it from going over to the dark side, and are the saving grace of all humanity.

Sure, it’s a big statement, but I stand behind it.

Tools & techniques for the HSPs of the world–for YOU!

With the incredible realizations and tools and techniques I have acquired along the way, however, I am no longer that person. The kernel of who I was remains, but instead of rotting away from neglect, it has happily blossomed into something, someone, authentic and alive and full of life.

No, it doesn’t always happen all at once. It was more like the unraveling of a slow-moving epiphany than a Big Bang. Like the psychic octopus: Learning that Heidi hadn’t really existed at all, just the energy of other people who’d been invited in to take residence in her mind, body, and spirit.

Like the UES: Learning that I had a Unique Energetic Signature all my own—that all I had to do was identify it, feel it, know it . . . live in it.

That’s what I’m here to share with you. The ideas in Elevating Your HSP-ness will knock your socks off. They will change your life. They will support you through thick and thin. They will really, really, REALLY shift the way you see yourself and the world. They will invite you to realize that you are, and have always been, perfect and perfectly positioned to shine a light in a world that needs it more than ever. A combination of all I have learned and been in my life—the “professorial” element—and all I have ever experienced spiritually and emotionally—that has integrated into an identity I could never have imagined, into who I am today.

This bit of music from my healing guided collection should help you do the same.

The post When you feel lost, don’t give up. It’s the time for a change. first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Are you traveling life with your everyday roadmap or . . .

It’s up to you to choose the roads well traveled or discover who you really are with the roadmap of the soul–the HSP’s Roadmap to Magnificence. But this is not about plotting and planning or setting guidelines and parameters or even deciding what to pack to take along with you. It’s not about the gear or the funding or the friends.

What do you need when you take a trip? Usually you need a destination, a physical one, a place. You’re taking this trip because you have a purpose in mind. You’re visiting family or friends, going on holiday, or traveling for work.

This is a different kind of roadmap, where the only destination is self-fulfillment. This is the roadmap–the “soulmap” for high sensitives. The HSP’s Roadmap to Magnificence.

. . . Traveling life with your Roadmap to Magnificence?

It’s about discovering, or rediscovering, or renewing who you really are. Who you were meant to be. Who you could be, who you can be, who you want to be. It’s about embarking on a journey that is never-ending, but always feels as if you’re arriving. Achieving and manifesting what you want because what you want is to be who you are. HSPs are known for their compassion, sympathy, empathy, and overall caring. But if we’re not able to fully be present in our power, our so-called “sensitivities” drain us to the point of burnout manifesting physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Curses are blessings in disguise

Society tells us they’re curses. All those abilities that make us the unique individuals who we are. The ways in which we handle ourselves in the world—or don’t—and the way we react to what goes on around us—or don’t. Depending on the judge, or the parent, or teacher, or employer, etc., we are told we are unable, unwilling, unmotivated, or just too stubborn to do what’s “right.” What fits the mold. What seems “normal.” What reflects society’s view of the norm.

“You’re so emo.” “You care too much.” “Calm down, you’re hysterical.” “Why are you always depressed?” Use your common sense. You can’t make decisions based on your emotions!” “Don’t be weak, be strong! Suck it up!” “You’re still grieving? Aren’t you over it yet?”

Stuck in the rotaries of life

If it feels as if you’re going around in circles, it’s probably true. It’s tough to believe in yourself, in your own way of thinking and doing things, when the world is telling you otherwise. Like the proverbial hamster on a wheel, you might be getting older, but you’re certainly not getting anywhere you might want to be. It’s a place of always praying you can get some traction, but all you can come up with is another slippery tread, so the only obvious choice is to keep going (and not get anywhere), or get off (and wonder why you ever got on in the first place).

Just like the rotaries on our roads that are meant to steer traffic and keep the flow moving, we can use the brilliant gifts we’ve been given to go in circles or get off and head a whole new direction.

Using your Intuitive Guidance System (IGS)

Once you’ve reconfigured your vehicle’s guidance system from GPS, a Global Positioning System, to your IGS, your Intuitive Guidance System, life is never the same. Add in your shift to using the psychic octopus and Unique Energetic Signature techniques for energetic alignment and you’ve got it made!

Resetting your compass

We’re going to explore what happens when you make these choice. When you reset your compass with a new perspective that invites self-acceptance, self-love, and self-esteem. An entirely new approach that invites you to believe in the who you really are, and the brilliance of who you really are, once and for all.

Starting…right…now.

The post The HSP’s Roadmap to Magnificence is the journey of the soul first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.