Fear came wrapped in a package and arrived C.O.D.
“The Package Came C.O.D.”
by Heidi Connolly
The package came C.O.D.
The delivery guy said it was for me
I signed for it, opened it, put it on, claimed it
I owned it then; it sure owned me;
I could have thrown it down
Kicked it to the floor
I could have sent it back
And slammed the door;
I could have just said no
I could have stood my ground
I should have watched it leave
Sent it back where it belonged;
’Cause when you live your life in denial
Of who you really are
The light you hold inside you
Sounds like whispers from afar;
You learn of love and how it hurts
For reasons of remorse
It churns and gnaws inside of you
And charts a deceptive course;
When fear is allowed to lead the way
The truth is buried alive
Without a chance to breathe and grow
With no chance to survive;
When doubt grows into hatred
It traps you like a snare
The burden of a thought
That’s really not ours to bear;
If you let it, it will cut you
Your wings clipped in despair
Every minute a sad reflection
Everyday another correction;
When the package came COD
And the delivery guy said it was for me
My life went driving down the street
I lived a lie in defeat;
But now I keep only what is mine
Whatever arrives must be divine
When it’s for me it’s whole, intact
This is a promise and a pact;
I close the door on everything else
I send it back much blessed
For only in the vibration of love
Is fear ever laid to rest;
I lift the veil of denial
I lift the weight of pain
I become the one I’m meant to be
Like a desert freed by rain.
I wrote this song in 2004 and “came upon” it today as I was searching for another file. You might call it a coincidence, but I would much rather land on the side of synchronicity, if for no other reason that it feels good when I do.
Yesterday I posted a poem by Becky Hemsley. Today I found my song. Notwithstanding my lack of songwriting ability and without knowing Becky’s intention for certain, it seems to me that we are talking about similar ideas about accepting who we are. As HSPs. As Highly Sensitive People. As individuals. As humans. As creative souls who live and breathe and identify and share and grow and touch and feel and respond and love and all the rest of it…the whole messy enchilada.
What amazes me is that I wrote this in 2004, not 2012 after my husband died or 2014 when I began hearing from him. Not all these years after discovering that my HSP-ness was directly related to my psychic and mediumship abilities and being witness to my own growth as an author.
I had to ask myself: If I didn’t know then what I know now, where did the words come from? Was I already channeling, if you want to call it that, my higher self? Had I entered some kind of 5th-dimensional reality or parallel universe? Had I time traveled?
I really don’t know.
Yet here I sit before you today (well, before my computer writing to you) and feeling every word of this song.
I have lifted the veil of denial
I have lifted the weight of pain
I am becoming the one I’m meant to be
.
