Life After Death

I know what miracles are. I know because I see them happen every day—and because some of them happen to me. I guess you could say that I’m proof, or my life is proof, or, for that matter, my very existence, is proof. There have been so many miracles in my life that choosing just one to write about and calling it the “biggest” would be like loving one of my children more than the other.

I loved my husband, Randy Michael Connolly, until death did us part. So much so that it felt as if I’d died with him. By the time December 2013 rolled around, I’d been praying for my own death for a little over a year, although I still hadn’t conjured the nerve to take my own life, and realized I might never find that nerve, no matter how devastated I was. The only thing that could possibly keep me going, I determined, was a miracle.

I wanted, I needed, some kind of concrete, measurable evidence that he was still with me, just as he’d promised he’d be as he was dying.

Night after night of crying myself to sleep had mitigated neither my desperation nor my depression. Nor had knowing that there were people around me who were hearing Randy, in spirit form, clearly and irrefutably. Sure, I appreciated their loving messages, as indirect as they were. But what about me? I was his wife, dammit. Didn’t I deserve to hear those messages straight from the source?

Then, one night, a night like all the rest where I’d passed out after hours of tossing and turning and abject anguish (I don’t profess to be one of the stoic ones), I was awakened at 3 am by a loud—booming—voice that said, “Get out your pen and get writing. We’re going to write a book.”

I can’t tell you why and I can’t tell you how, but I knew in every cell of my being that this disembodied vocalization belonged to my husband (and not only because I was alone in the house). What I did not realize was that the result of this mandate, and the ensuing half hour of notebook scribblings, would be the basis for our first “ghostwritten” book together, Crossing the Rubicon: Love Poems Past the Point of No Return.

You might think I’m going to say the miracle was that Randy, in spirit form, woke me up and downloaded a book of poems, along with an almost instant comprehension and precisely worded description about how to form a new relationship with your loved one after death, and how to write about it so others would understand and benefit.

You might think it was that since that night I’ve been able to communicate with Randy, and the dead brother of manicurist, and the dead wife of my father’s best friend, and many other spirit beings who so much want to communicate with their own loved ones.

Either way, you’d be right.

But, honestly? The most profound and shocking miracle is that without the gift of Randy’s dying, I would never have discovered, or perhaps I should say uncovered, the brilliant conscious creation practice that has become my way of life.

A celestial life.

Is it possible to recognize a miracle—a blessing, even—while you feel you’re being ripped to shreds? When your soul can’t see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel even if it were wrapped in the glow of every star in the sky? When your heart is gasping for breath in order to survive one more minute, one more hour, one more day?

My answer?

• BRD–Before Randy’s Death: Absolutely not.
• ARD–After Randy’s Death: Absolutely. Even if you’re in the throes of agony. Because once your anguish has been imbued with conscious awareness, the frequency of unconditional love, the vibration of truth, and the resonance of wisdom, nothing is ever the same again.

For me, on that night, even as I wrote in the dark, sobbing over the pages of an old lined notebook, bleary-eyed from lack of sleep, fear, grief, and the sense that I had been abandoned to fend for myself in a world I could no longer make sense of, I was concomitantly aware that I was feeling something I’d never felt before.

Even in that state of complete overwhelm, I knew I was experiencing something so enormous, so rock-me-to-the-core powerful, that while I couldn’t name it at the time, I could feel it blooming inside me, as evidential as the scar on the inside of my thigh, the one I’d gotten in a motorcycle mishap in high school. It seemed as if I’d always had this thing that was burgeoning—always known it, always felt it—but would never again fail to recognize it and cherish it.

The wave of unconditional love that flowed through me arrived in the form of complete phrases and rhymes and prose: an unabridged conversation. It arose in the vibration of truth, through the voice of my dead husband. It emerged in the resonance of wisdom, as a new kind of knowledge I was being invited to believe in, accept, and share. It emanated with the awareness that, even as I wept and the lead in my pencil dwindled to a stub, I would never be the same again.

Turns out, it’s true.

Because nothing has been the same since that night.

I no longer have any need to pretend that I have it all under control, or that life makes sense. I don’t and it doesn’t. Which is precisely what makes miracles so…miraculous.

I now understand that all our attempts to control, fix, cajole, maneuver, manipulate, push, and pray are nothing more than miracle-blockers. When viewed through the lens of retrospection, miracles are the fruit of faith, not force.

When I met Randy after my first 40 years on the planet, I knew that was a miracle. The circumstances were too bizarre, too completely without precedent. We agreed that we were two of the truly fortunate ones. We’d prayed for a miracle. We’d gotten it. End of story.

Then he died.

Which compelled to ask, What does that say about our supposed miracle? Was I wrong? Were we wrong? Was this some kind of a joke, a faux miracle? Had I been deceived? If God wanted me to be happy, why take away the one person who made me happy?

Could something that once looked like a miracle of light and love turn into something so sinister and dark, something so obviously not miraculous?

I did not know the answer then. But these questions are what goaded me on, deep into realms that I’d never previously tapped. I explored karma, life after “death,” past lives, meditation, and conscious creation. I acquiesced into what has been so aptly called the dark night of the soul. I allowed myself to be held by those who’d had similar experiences and encouraged me to believe that I would come out the other side…whole again.

I eventually learned that my sensitivity was simply code for being an HSP, a Highly Sensitive Person, and medium for the spirit world, and that tapping into that ability would prepare me for becoming a facilitator for other HSPs.

Finally, ultimately, I learned that miracles are in the eye of the beholder, like these:

1. I contracted with Randy and agreed to be his partner in this lifetime to help him learn that someone (me) could and would love him unconditionally—a lesson that allowed him to cross over knowing he’d achieved his spiritual goal.
2. Randy is now helping me learn, from across the veil, that having trust and faith in what you can’t see is the means by which we can influence the energetic force that determines our ongoing lives.
3. Questioning every core belief you once held deepens your understanding that the spirit world is always communicating with us, and that it’s simply up to us to learn how to listen. For me, this has meant having the ability to share such insights with others.

The biggest miracle of all, you ask?

That’s easy.

There is life after death. On both sides of the veil.

* * * *

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The post Death and Grief and the Highly Sensitive Person first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

I’ve been an HSP for a long time. One might even say a very long time. So, I guess you could also say that I have a lot of experience when it comes to my HSP-ness. All those qualities that seemed to undermine me at every turn, every step of the way. Plus all the experiences I have undergone that have revealed all my sensitivities, each and every one, for what they really are: indicators of my amazing abilities to love, honor, respect–once I learned to use them, not let them abuse me.

The thing about sensitivities is that they often present in extremes. For example, if you’re hyper-sensitive to cold, you may be, as I am, hyper-sensitive to heat. If you’re hyper-sensitive to touch, you may be hyper-sensitive to the lack of it. If you’re hyper-sensitive to sound, you may be hyper-sensitive to the empty silence of quiet. Because we’re sensitive to everything. Just hang with 10 people saying nothing for a while and you’ll see what I mean.

Once again, yet another interesting conundrum for the Highly Sensitive Person. How can we rationalize the fact that we may be as uncomfortable in one set of circumstances and equally as uncomfortable in its apparent extreme opposite set of circumstances?

I can only share what I have come to realize.

On a societal level

We live in the age of soundbites and endless possibilities for distraction. Endless opportunities to fill the silence. If we don’t want to be alone with our thoughts, we almost never need to be.

On a community level:

Feeling  uncomfortable in crowds and/or social settings is typical for HSPs. Yet society teaches us that we are supposed to be good little children in the classroom and adept at navigating the world through some kind of inherent charm and know-how. If we aren’t, if we don’t or can’t or are not up to the task, we are made to feel small and inadequate. Our tendency is to seek out solitude rather than engage in frustrating attempts at socialization, even when solitude strikes a heavy chord of loss inside us.

On a familial level

Most everyone I’ve ever known suffers from the Family Syndrome: There’s nothing like being with family that could feel more comfortable, even if the circumstances are miserable; there’s something about having your expectations being fulfilled. While it might not feel like the good kind of comfortable, at least you know Uncle Joe might drink too much and Mom might tell you to get your hair cut. On the other hand, a family dinner can make you feel like running in the other direction so fast and so far that you’d never be seen or heard from again.

On a relationship level

I’ve often said that it’s important to be in relationship with someone you can be yourself with. Someone you can be with without saying anything, just being quiet and being comfortable at the same time. I still feel that way. But, more and more, *I’m realizing that it’s all about being comfortable with myself that matters. I don’t think I was ever truly comfortable anywhere, anytime, with anyone, until I became comfortable with my own being-ness, including my own HSP-ness.*

On a one-on-one level with self. See above*…Your relationship with Self is all that really matters.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: 10 people go quiet at a party. Suddenly, things get really uncomfortable fast. What do you do?

• Do you rush to fill the silence?
• Do you pour another glass of wine?
• Do you make an inappropriate joke?
• Do you squirm in your seat and wish you were somewhere else?
• Do you make an excuse to leave the room?

There are different versions of quiet and different versions of noise. But there is only one version of you that matters.

The one that is in alignment.

It’s time to stop hiding and start Elevating Your HSP-ness!

Soon to be available at https://www.heidiconnolly.com

The post Is there such as thing as too much quiet when you’re a Highly Sensitive Person? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Why is it so easy for HSPs to offer love (and compassion and sympathy and empathy and caring . . . and I could go on and on and on…), but so hard to take it in? And, no, it’s not because we don’t want it. In fact, we go out of our way to “get it.” In some place in our minds and hearts, we’re thinking, “Well, if I give enough love, I’ll surely get some in return.”

We end up asking questions like:

• “Why, if I am so ‘sensitive’ and so loving and generous, why do I end up in abusive relationships?”
• “Why do I end up with people who don’t seem to give me credit?”
• “Why do I give compliments so freely and yet find it so hard to accept them?”

My take on LOVE ENERGY

Love energy, IMHO, is quite simply the most powerful energy there is. It’s so powerful that, when it’s removed, it can scar us for life. When it’s rejected, it can destroy us. When it’s overwhelming, it can cause us to run the other direction.

Duh. I mean, if you’re going along being your average Highly Sensitive Person (quiet and/or shy and/or reserved and/or afraid and/or overwhelmed), these kinds of reactions are totally within the realm of obvs. Have you ever known an Emergency Room nurse who’s absolutely great in emergency situations, but smokes like a chimney (as my grandmother used to say), and waves off thanks before they’re even out of your mouth?

Have you ever known someone on your team at work who readily doles out understanding in tough situations, but can’t accept it from other people? “Good job,” you say. Their response? “Well, it could have been better. I mean, if only I’d . . . .”

See what I mean?

Just your typical HSP

You might get tired of hearing me say this, but I’m pretty familiar with this behavior because it was moi. Still is sometimes. If I take on the compliment, do I owe you something? Does it mean I’m not being humble? Will the world see me as vain? Am I really deserving? Again, all the usual questions of your typical HSP.

When I married my husband Randy, one of the very first things he told me was, “You are the strongest because you are the most loving.” What??? Seems like being so caring and loving was what made me the weakest. At least, that’s what the world would have me believe. It took some time for me to see

• that being loving doesn’t mean giving yourself away, and
• that being loving can scare people away because they don’t know how to receive it.

Do they not know how to receive love because they never felt they had it? Do they hesitate to trust it because unconditional love is something they don’t recognize? Are they afraid to love back because it’ll make them vulnerable?

Yeah. All of the above.

The Love-Addicted HSP

So, here we are. You and me. HSPs. Wanting nothing more than to give and receive, to love and be loved, to shine and help others shine. Pouring out love energy like there’s no tomorrow.

But, see,  here’s the thing. If you’re the one sending it out, it feels easy. But if you’re on the receiving end it can feel like being swept out to sea on a giant wave. At first you might like the water on your skin, but then you lose your balance and start flailing around and realize you have no control and freak out!!!

Because everything is energy, and love energy is so powerful, receiving the energy behind the love wave can knock you to your knees.

What happens then? People lash out. They defend. They argue. They deny. It’s as predictable as the pull of gravity.

Energy is not the same as emotion

See your love as energy. See it in the form of an electrical current. Picture it, not as much as an emotional state, but a frequency pattern that you exude. Just remember that people will react/respond to this energetic pulse in direct proportion to the amount you’re projecting—and directly in line with their (usually unconscious) relationship to the whole idea of love and what it means to them.

The key is to live with an open, loving without knocking people flat on their butts. How?

• Be in alignment.
• Love generously.
• Accept deflection gracefully.
• And, finally, accept love directly in proportion to how much you share it.

***

Check out my posts on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System) to help you practice the 32BYou tools of alignment. Thank you for shining your light into the world!

The post The Love-Addicted HSP first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

The Psychic Octopus: The Perfect Tool for High Sensitives

The psychic octopus is absolutely without a doubt the best tool I have ever come across for HSPs. It’s the single tool that changed my life. Applying it is not only easy, one you get the hang of it, but endlessly helpful, endlessly soothing, and endlessly effective.

Are you globbing onto someone else’s energy?

Learning to know the difference between your Unique Energetic Signature, your personal energy and other people’s energy is the basis for everything when you’re an HSP. Here’s why. When you’re highly sensitive, when you’re a “high sensitive,” as you now know you are and have probably always been told you are, you feel things that other people don’t seem to feel, and you feel them on a level that often feels overwhelming, even disturbing. Over time, your feelings can become so intense that you live a life of concern, fear, even anxiety and depression.

Controlling these reactions to your environment becomes a pervasive need. In order to save yourself from the pain and discomfort you feel, most people who are high sensitive learn to shut down, deny, or otherwise distract themselves from, or avoid, those feelings at all cost. The problem is, none of these options is helpful in the long run. They all rise out of fear, lack, and defensiveness, as opposed to acceptance, worthiness, and love for self…love for who we really are, and love for the world around us. This includes feeling hate, not love, for our own sensitivities and for the magnificent gifts they truly are.

We are spirit in biodegradable human suits!

We are all more than our physical selves; we are spirit in a human body, a human form that come into and leaves the physical world. Another way to say this is that we are simply all energetic beings. And if we’re all energetic beings, it’s only a short step to knowing that we are all connected energetically, through our energetic fields of vibration, in some way. When we realize this, we also realize that if we’re constantly open, constantly feeling all the energies around us, the good, the bad and the ugly feelings of the people and places in our environment, it’s all too easy to lose our own sense of self in the process. If we’re busy feeling what other people are feeling, how do we know what we are really feeling? How do we know if what we’re feeling is truly ours?

How do we know that we are living a life driven by our own thoughts and beliefs and sensations? That we’re being guided by connection with source and loving intention, as opposed to other people’s thoughts and other people’s intentions? Frankly, we don’t.

Be the octopus!

Here’s what to do. Start by picturing yourself as an octopus. That’s right, an octopus. You know, one with all its far-reaching tentacles, all those feelers that octopuses have. You are able to reach near and far, and curve around and into things you can go through and past in order to explore and probe and find and identify what’s around you. You are free to seek and react to all that’s out there.

Here’s the difference, though, between you and the octopus. You are doing this seeking and probing on an energetic level. You have your own personal psychic octopus. So what’s the problem? Well, the problem comes in when you’re not aware that you’re using your energetic tentacles to tap into other people’s energy bodies–their emotions and experiences.

You’re not aware that you have built your relationships on this ability to know how other people think and feel. And you do it to the extent that you are actually feeling what they think and feel might seem like a good thing. It might seem like it gives you a sense of empathy and compassion to know what they feel. But in actuality, it keeps you from knowing yourself.

You’re literally taking on the feelings of other people. So you lose the sense of who you really are. It keeps you from being centered and aligned. And then it’s all too easy to lose yourself in a relationship, to forget what you really want and to find yourself basically out of touch with who you really are in your essence. Did you ever say you felt “beside yourself”?

How to reel in your psychic tentacles (or wring out psychic sponge)

That’s probably because you were—energetically beside yourself, that is. But when your octopus is in, when you’ve reeled in your psychic tentacles, you’re no longer at the mercy of other people’s stuff. You’re no longer in constant reactive mode that keeps you off center, off kilter, because it’s only when you remain in your own energy that you have the ability to truly be a guiding, present, presence for anyone else.

Practice how it feels to pull in these psychic tentacles. When you pull in your tentacles, when you’re fully engaged in your own energetic pulse, you have no leftover strands of energy, so to speak, that are trolling around, seeking to tap into, or engage, or feel what’s inside anyone else. This not only allows you to have complete freedom to be who you are, but invites you to feel safe and protected wherever you are whoever is in your space, and whatever shows up in your sphere.

When your psychic octopus tentacles are “in,” you’re free!

Another reason this is so wonderful is because you begin to accept the person who you really are in your essence without feeling the need to put up a protective barrier against the world or against other people. You pull your tentacles in, as opposed to pushing away from and building a wall against.

Simply put, being aware of your psychic octopus is not only the gateway to freedom, but the first, most critical, leg of the journey on your roadmap to your own magnificence!

The post The Psychic Octopus: The Perfect Tool for High Sensitives first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Thoughts turn into beliefs

Once again HSPs find ourselves in the Land of Definition, where definition translates into thought, into belief, and into life as we know it.

It seems that most writings, documentaries, and people broaching the subject of high sensitivity (and the trait of being a High Sensitive) talk about it as if it’s something that must be fixed. Something that must be dealt with, lessened, freed from. Something that is or has been induced by psychological, emotional, genetic, and physical factors, or a combination of all of these.

While it’s absolutely true that our state of being, which includes our emotional, mental, and physical tendencies, contributes to what we might call our sensitivity quotient, a different approach invites us to embark on a new direction by turning the whole enchilada upside-down.

Until very recently, I had never known anyone who was highly sensitive who considered themselves lucky to be that way. I certainly didn’t. Why would I want to experience everything a hundred times more extremely than everyone else? Feel crazy…out of place…like an alien? I wouldn’t. No one would. Yet it was all I knew. The first time someone suggested to me that my reactions and hyper-sensibilities were so much less—and more—than that, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Living with extreme emotional states was all, and everything, I knew how to be. Suddenly, I was being offered the idea that one’s level of sensitivity, by and large, is equal to one’s level of resistance. What???

What is resistance?

Resistance describes the way we walk through life, a constant state where everything feels hard, difficult, unachievable, and one feels powerless.

Freeing ourselves from the energy of resistance

For today, let’s keep it simple by starting with a few language-flipping techniques. I invite you to really listen to yourself as you think each thought and speak each word. Is the energy of what you’re saying propelling you toward more resistance….?

• “I get by/I manage.”
• “I need to change.”
• “I need to get over myself, be normal.”
• “I need to figure it out.” becomes I’m learning how to use my guidance to naturally know what’s in my best interest, and the best interest of all concerned.
• “I am too empathetic/sympathetic/compassionate.”
• “I need to block out/shield from/protect myself from….”

…Or more freedom?

• Every day I’m feeling more comfortable about living my life in alignment.
• I’m processing a different way to transform that feels easy and natural.
• Employing my “psychic octopus” easily allows me to stay in alignment without feeling I’m putting myself at risk.
• Even if I don’t really know who I am yet, I can begin to appreciate that I have the ability to access that knowledge easily.
• Having these wonderful traits allows me to relate to the world easily, because they no longer make me feel dysfunctional.

In a nutshell:

“I wish I had freedom from fear, anxiety, depression, pain, shame, guilt” becomes I have the freedom to live with an open heart without risk, vulnerability, or tension because I have the tools I need.

The post A Revolutionary New Approach to High Sensitivity for all HSPs!!! first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.