The cure to the HSP’s psychic sponge syndrome: Laugh!!!!!

I’m back today with another bit of down-to-earth spirituality. Today’s topic? Spiritual irreverence.

Can you handle the fallout if you’ve forgotten how to laugh?

It’s not every day that you find yourself doing something that causes an uproar of divergent opinions—and resultant advice. Well, at least it hasn’t been that way for me.

I mean, it’s true that “coming out” as a medium caused quite a stir. There I was, Harvard Girl, the writer, editor, book designing, publishing consultant of Harvard Girl Word Services, suddenly saying I was talking to dead people. So, I guess you could say that I know something about strong reactions. And we won’t even get into family. Telling your mother you’re hearing from good ol’ Dad? Mmm, turns out, not the best convo starter ever….

Anyway….

When I started writing books (with my dear departed husband) and talking about us all being Vacationing Angels, I learned pretty fast how to spot the dedicated, true-blue skeptics from the “well, I might be willing to hear more” type. I also learned, really really fast that it didn’t matter. That the only thing that mattered was being true to myself.

• Which brings me to today’s down-to-earth spiritual subject matter [slide of CP animation]
• When you’re true to yourself, you attract other people who are true to themselves.
• When you’re true to yourself, it doesn’t matter if other people agree with you or not.
• When you’re true to yourself, most of the people you attract are willing to listen to what you have to say, even if they end up disagreeing with it.
• When you’re true to yourself, you feel good.

Which…leads me to the title of my new book, Elevating Your HSP-ness….

I can hear you….

Go ahead. Say it out loud. Reading the words just doesn’t do it. When I spoke the title aloud for the first time, I couldn’t stop giggling. Naturally, I discounted its use. I mean, right? Who’d willingly, knowingly, use a word for a spiritual book about being a high sensitive that sounds like penis?  Not me!

After that, the title went through months of iterations. “The HSP’s Owners Manual.” “The HSP’s Roadmap to Greatness.” “Embracing your High Sensitivity.” The problem was that no matter how much these titles described what I was trying to convey, none of them made me FEEL GOOD. None of them resonated, vibrated with the frequency of YES!!! THIS MAKES ME WANT TO GIGGLE AND LAUGH AND FEEL JOYFUL!!!

My psychic sponge was picking up everyone’s opinion but my own.

I didn’t know what to do. I kept going back and forth, back and forth, buying domain after domain and reworking my potential book covers. What to do?

Ultimately? I did exactly what I talk about doing in this book: I let it go. I worked on other things—the writing, the blogs, the vlogs, all that stuff. And then, one day, I was talking to a friend and colleague (who just happens to be in my video Summit linked below), Jill Lebeau. When I mentioned all my potential names, she thought they were “fine.” Which we all know is code for BORING. Then, I said, “I wanted to name it Elevating Your HSP-ness, but you know, that would just be crazy. Too irreverent. What would people think?”

The reality is that my psychic sponge was too darn overloaded to check in with my own guidance–that Intuitive Guidance System we all have!

There was a moment of silence. Then Jill got it—and cracked up. She laughed and laughed and kept on laughing. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. But, finally, when she got herself under control, she said, “There’s nothing irreverent about bliss and joy in spirituality! We need to laugh to raise our frequency. And that’s what you’re talking about—living a high-frequency life! I think it’s perfect.”

It took me a while, but I couldn’t ignore the high vibration of what she said—and what I felt. So, yes. The name of my book is ELEVATING YOUR HSP-NESS. After all, I’m talking about “down-to-earth spirituality” here. And that means applying spirituality to everyday life as an Angel on Vacation. Celebrating those qualities of you that are the absolute highest frequency. Because we can’t spend our time “way up in the clouds” and live “down here” without some kind of mechanism that invites us to stay present. To use all our “up in the clouds”-ness for the express purpose of enjoying the earthly aspects of our being.

So I say go for it. I’ll be right there, laughing along with you in loving irreverence.

The post The cure to the HSP’s Psychic Sponge Syndrome: Laugh!!!!!! first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Just because someone is high-functioning doesn’t mean they’re not highly sensitive. All it really means, at least if they’re in a healthy state of mind, body, and soul, is that they’ve somehow learned to direct their sensitivities and kick them up a notch or two.

Anderson Cooper is a journalist, and a great one. But he’s also, apparently, an emotional and loving father. You have to imagine he’s pretty adept at organizing his life, and was probably a darn good student as well. All great qualities, but nothing to do with the qualities of being an HSP.

Could Anderson Cooper be one of US? Could he be an HSP?

I think he might be. How do I know? Because—though I’m the first to admit that I’m no Anderson Cooper in a zillion different ways!—I am, and have been, high-functioning for a large percentage of my life.

But the real point I’m trying to make is that being an HSP does not preclude being deliberately, determinedly, and successfully high-functioning.

On the other hand, just because you’re high-functioning does not necessarily mean you’re happy or even content. It certainly doesn’t mean self-satisfied, self-reliant, or full of self-worth.

All it means is that you have the skills to do whatever it is you want or have chosen or sometimes have been coerced to do well enough to get the job done. You could be a dishwasher or you could be a museum curator. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re convinced you’re good at it or feel good doing it. It’s even possible you suffer from Imposter Syndrome, where, no matter how good you are at what you do, you still feel inadequate.

Ever wonder why actors tend toward screwed up personal lives?

We usually attribute their “problems” to too much fame and fortune. And, certainly, without those things they wouldn’t be in the situation they’re in.

But there’s more to it than that. There’s also the obvious fact that so many of them are highly sensitive people.

Can you imagine being an HSP who knows you take on other people’s energy, but don’t know what to do about it? Can you imagine being on a movie set with hundreds of movie people all milling about doing their jobs—many of them interacting with you—for hours and hours every single day? Can you imagine what it’s like to feel the feelings of the character you’re acting without feeling some kind of aftermath of leftover energy trails?

I can’t.

Sure, I’ve worked as a musician in orchestras; a human resource trainer in corporate America; a counselor for teenagers. But at no point did I recognize that the tremendous weight I carried around was due to all the energy of others flooding my being.

Sadly, even once I had an inkling that was what was going on, I still had no idea what to do about it.

Sometimes people seem to figure it out on their own.

Anderson Cooper seems to have figured it out on his own. Not that we have any idea what it’s like being Gloria Vanderbilt’s son, born and bred in his unusually eccentric circumstances. Maybe he’s had years of therapy, right? I mean, who can say? We surely don’t know how much of what we see is an act, being that he’s a TV personality and all.

But when I heard him talk about the loss of his brother to suicide and the recent death of his mother and how he wants nothing more than to pass on to his children who these people were to him “without it being cloaked in sadness,” I felt his willingness to dip into the pain of the loss and rise out again through love for his children.

We are not all Anderson Coopers.

We are not all super smart or super rich or super talented.

Yet, as HSPs, we are ALL fully capable of bringing out the best in ourselves by elevating the sensitivities we have so they serve us and all of humanity.

The post High-Functioning versus High-Sensitive: Are they mutually exclusive? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Part 1

We’ve talked about the Psychic Octopus. The Psychic Sponge is really the precursor to that whole topic.

I love the analogy of the Psychic Sponge because it’s so easy to visualize and understand. Particularly for all of us good ol’ HSPs looking for transformative tools and techniques. No! Not to transform into someone different. To transform into who we really are!

You’ve got to start somewhere, right? Well, the psychic sponge is the perfect place.

Transformation starts with transference and transcendence. Today we’re hitting up the “transference” part of the equation.

As you know, being an HSP makes you seem/feel different from a lot of other people. At least that’s what they’d like you to think. More people are highly sensitive than anyone realizes because so many of us try—and often manage—to hide it so well behind their shields of logic. We hide our fears, our loneliness, our anxiety, our worry, our feelings of overwhelm, and our generalized belief that we’re simultaneously too much and not enough, whatever the context. In my world, even scientists, statisticians, and engineers, and those who stress objectivity and facts are not capable of separating out their human natures from their work. In fact, from what I’ve seen, these people are often on the HSP spectrum . . . big time!

Ever notice their tendency toward antisocial behavior, bluntness, abruptness, isolation, lack of empathy? It may not look like our own specific HSP-isms, but they are just as powerful in the effect they have. Because the more discomfort experienced, the more shutting down occurs. Work in the lab alone all day instead of visiting with friends? Easy choice! Focus on what I do best rather than feel constantly out of place? Why bother asking!

No matter who you are or what you do, your level of discomfort starts and ends with the level of discomfort or comfort you have within yourself. But it also has to do with the discomfort that comes from being a psychic sponge.

“AAARRRGGGHHH! Not that word!”

I know, I know. If you’re an engineer or a scientist, you’re not gonna like my use of the word “psychic.” Even if you admit to sensitivity, you’re might be squirming in your seat at the use of a word that yells out “Whacko! Occult! Stop now! Don’t take another step forward!” So, for now, let’s just call it an Energetic Sponge instead.

Which simply means that, again, no matter who you are or what you do, you pick up signals from the world around you. You can try to ignore them, resist them, shut them out, but you still have to engage with them, whether you’re in traffic or on the telephone ordering a pizza. Your experience will always include the outpouring of energetic data supplied by whatever and whoever is in your field of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

Trying too hard is just more resistance–and isn’t worth it.

My suggestion? Stop trying. Instead, work it. Play with it. Stop resisting it. Use it to create a whole new range of colors on your palette of life. Just as you might have played with Play-Doh when you were in nursery school. (I know, awesome stuff, smelled crazy good.)

Here’s what you do.

• Step 1. First, go get a dry sponge and put it down in front of you. (Note: you probably want to do this by the sink.) Notice how dry it is, how hard it might be around the edges, perhaps how it’s shrunken a bit because it’s so dry. This sponge can be any kind, shape, any size. The only thing that matters is that it’s dry.
• Step 2. Next, get a bowl of water. Drop the sponge in the water. Watch  as it slowly comes alive. How it soaks up the water in the bowl, grows bigger with the moisture, and bigger still, until it can’t absorb any more because it’s so full.
• Step 3. Take the sponge out of the water. It’s dripping, right? It can’t hold all that water so, now that it’s out of the bowl, it’s dripping everywhere. (Hence, standing over your sink, as advised.)
• Step 4. Now, slowly wring out the sponge. Wring it and wring it until you’ve gotten as much moisture as possible out of it. The sponge is still damp, right? It’s still the size it always is when wet, a noticeably  different size from when it’s dry.
• Step 5. This is the really important one. See yourself as the sponge. A sponge that was all nice and comfy sitting alone with your book and waiting for your pizza to arrive. And then, suddenly, 20 people burst into the room with beer and pizza and noise and confusion and laughter and…and…and….

Not helpful. Your good ol’ HSP sponge-body has now gone from damply comfortable to miserable flooded by all the energies that have entered your space. You panic. You leave. Without your beer, without your pizza, but hoping you’ve escaped with your sanity somewhat intact.

**** TO BE CONTINUED! STAY TUNED for Part 2 of HSPs and the Psychic Sponge: Transcendence ****

Don’t worry, I’m only gonna leave you hanging until tomorrow when I’ll be talking about how fantastic it is to know you’re an Energetic Sponge and how it’s easy to something about it. Something that will inevitably change the way you see yourself and handle your interaction with the world.

The post The technique HSPs need to wring out their psychic sponge first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

HSPs rely on their heart connection to communicate with the world

Today at the gym I was Kindling Louise Penny’s novel The Madness of Crowds when I read: “You’d be surprised how clearly the heart can see,” and was caught up in a moment of gratitude so great I almost stumbled off the elliptical.

It’s not that the statement doesn’t resonate with me, but that it does . . . profoundly. When I read such words of high frequency and high integrity in a novel that I know millions of people are also reading, I pretty much get angel-bumps up and down my arms.

It’s such a simple statement, too. Just nine words, but do they ever pack a punch.

Thinking with your heart

For a long time now I have said that I think with my heart first. Lots of people who hear that look at me as if they must have misheard me. Who thinks with their heart, right? Yet it has become crystal clear to me that my brain is only as worthy of use as my heart, and that the one supports the other.

Mind or no mind

What if we didn’t have an organ called the brain? A brain that houses our mind? I doubt humans could function too well. Or without a heart, for that matter. The important piece here that is so often missed is that regardless of the individual, their socioeconomic status, their race, creed, gender, or genetics, one’s mind will never be able to fully suppress, ignore, or repress the heart.

I mean, we might never really know what “causes” our emotional states. If we subtract the chemistry (the hormones and synapses, etc.), the component that loves, that feels all the emotions, is still a mystery. We certainly can’t know for sure that the physical heart itself is behind all those emotions. We connect them with this organ, the heart, and assign it to be the holding place of all things spiritual and emotional. I’m okay with that assignation, though, so, for our purposes, let’s go with it.

The heart place

The heart is the “place” of true understanding, not understanding that comes through the mind. It’s a place where truth resonates—or doesn’t. The mind may serve our need for logic, but because it is attached to a human being, there will never be any such thing as pure objectivity. We all know that facts can be spun, statistics can be interpreted, and falsehoods can be reasoned into being. Fortunately, we have been blessed with another facet of human nature: the heart. There is always a heart, beating away, inherently clear, inherently pure, and inherently loving. A heart that knows what it knows.

While there may always be those whose hearts have been treated so appallingly that they manage to shut themselves from own heart connection, there can never be a mind that exists without a heart. You might choose to ignore your heart’s calling, you may choose not to listen to its advice, you may decide that you’d rather hide from it than be hurt, but the heart will never shut down until you leave the physical realm this time around.

What the heart wants

The heart wants to keep beating. It wants to keep sending the signals to the mind that the mind cannot conceive of on its own. The heart has strings that tie it to the mind of which we may be completely unaware, but upon which we are completely dependent to keep us anchored in the human world in a way that makes sense.

So, when you hear, “You’d be surprised how clearly the heart can see,” give it a minute to sink in. Let it marinate. Savor it. Embrace it.

Your heart will love you for it.

The post HSPs rely on the heart connection to communicate w the world first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Negative self-talk

The body cannot distinguish between an actual event and a thought. When you think fearful thoughts, the emotions you feel are the emotions that are saying, “I am in danger; there is an actual danger here.” So what happens? You feel the emotion of agitation, fear, or anxiety, both emotionally and throughout your body. Unfortunately, this kind of useless, dysfunctional thinking has a long-term effect on the us, too,  and actually removes the body’s ability to recover from illness, to stay healthy.

What gets your attention?

Look at it this way. Do the nice things that happen in your life receive a lot of your attention? Maybe you share something good that’s happened today with someone, but after that it’s out of sight, out of mind. It’s the negative stuff that gets all the rehashing. First in your own head, and then outwardly when you share those things with others.

Self-talk is really the issue for HSPs because when the mind constantly generates thoughts of self-judgment and negativity, that’s the way life becomes. Externalizing that feeling about life only brings more of it to us. We talk to people who are happy to complain and whine along with us and get the justification we need to keep whining. We feel supported.

Negative self-talk causes a negative state of consciousness

But here’s the thing. Negative events cause a predominant state of consciousness that’s negative! You’ve probably heard this or similar statements a million times. The difference here is that we take that (not always immediately recognizable) correlation between your mental/emotional state and what happens to you, your associations, your work, etc., and cut that correlation. Sever the cord. Untie the binds. See what I mean?

Who do you judge?

Naturally, it’s easier to recognize negativity in others than it is in yourself. Much easier to judge others than yourself. Easier to want someone else to change so you don’t have to . . . so your discomfort or distaste or disregard will go away.

You wouldn’t be reading this if you were not motivated to awaken from the stupor of discomfort, dissatisfaction, disillusionment, or depression. Being motivated is the first step to conscious awareness. Motivation opens the mind, body, and spirit to a new way of thinking, which causes a new way of feeling, which causes a new way of being and living.

Why affirmations don’t work

It’s not enough to speak or think affirmations if you don’t feel their truth. You need to use tools like the Psychic Octopus to truly understand your HSP sensibilities to the degree that you can benefit from them.

You also need to learn who you are, inside and out, to stay present and aligned (the state of feeling good, of intimately knowing your Unique Energetic Signature), no matter what is going on around you.

Can you do it? Absolutely!!!

Do you have to understand it, know it, do it, have it, see it, live it all at once? Definitely not.

If you’re still wearing your suit of misery, it might be time to give it up

You just have to want it more than you want to stay in the place that feels uncomfortably comfortable—or maybe comfortably uncomfortable. That place where you’ve been wearing the Suit of Misery for so long that it’s the only item of clothing you ever wear. No matter how filthy it gets, no matter how ratty and holey it is, you’d rather keep wearing it than buy a new one because buying a new one comes with too many “problems.” Fit. Cost. Effort. The “breaking- in” factor. I mean, who wants to deal with all that, right?

If that’s your story, you are free to stick to it.

If you want to change your story, maybe it’s time to buy a new suit.

The post It’s time to exchange your old suit for a new one first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

In the lives of highly sensitive people, there is a constant undercurrent of negative reinforcement that terrorizes and demoralizes HSPs and the cruel world, and if you want a happy life, you need to accept these truths.

“If you want a happy life you need to accept these harsh truths.”

Noooo!

I saw this header on a youtube video and my immediate reaction was, “Noooo! Don’t tell me what I’ve always been told by the world—that life is harsh and I have to suck it up to get by! That’s not what I want to hear!”

I know, harsh call, right? It’s not like I clicked on it to see what the lovely young blond in the video had to say before rushing to judgment. Still, just hearing that harsh truths are the required foundation for a happy life triggered a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

You might be one of those people who don’t believe that the language we use makes all that much difference. You may believe that it’s what we do that matters more. Or even that emotions and feelings (we’ll continue to explore that difference) should be subjugated to the mind’s much more reliable rational, logical thinking. If that’s so, I encourage you only to consider how happy you are in your life. If you’re good, great! Keep doing what you’re doing. But if you’re not, and you happen to be like so many of us who take it personally, keep reading.

Let’s return to the idea of “harsh truths.”

• Is it harsh to hear that you are solely responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions?
• That the world is not yours to fix?
• That the one thing you can do that makes any difference in the world is to start by being as loving as you can toward yourself so that your love shines out into the world?

I know, I know. Sounds woo-woo. Fact is, I don’t care anymore. The more content I feel in my life, the less concern I have about how other people perceive my woo-woo-ness. ’Cause it makes me happy! I still get my work done every day. I have clients, responsibilities, family, friends, bills to pay, groceries and gas to buy, a house to take care of. But instead of bemoaning my fate and the fate of the world, I look at ways to be grateful—and when I find it, I feel the gratitude deep in my bones.

And, guess what? I’m still an HSP. Big time.

Really? Affirmations?

“Oh, no, is she talking about affirmations?” you say. “I hate those things. They don’t do anything.”

On some level, no, they probably don’t. Not unless you FEEL them.

Here’s an example.

Years ago when it was still hard for me to be grateful for much of anything and I could hardly get out of bed in the morning, I asked myself this: “Is there one thing you can find to feel grateful for (not simply say you’re grateful for) every day? One consistent thing?” And I found it. Every night, I was grateful for snuggling into my flannel sheets and alternative down comforter in the winter and laying my head down on the perfect pillow that fit my head and neck. The way my body relaxed after a long day of fighting my way, managing my way, through the world. Sometimes it lasted only a few seconds, sometimes a minute or two. What mattered was how good my whole being felt in those seconds and minutes. That those moments were pure in their delivery of contentment.

Textbook HSPs

Once you feel it, on any level, in any small way, you can begin to find it in other places, in other ways. As a textbook HSP, it was a slow start for me after a long haul of grief and loss, but that’s why they call it practice. When the practice no longer feels like work, it no longer feels weighty. When the weight is gone, it feels like relief.

HSPs and the “cruel” world. Pure and simple.

The post Highly Sensitive People and the Cruel, Cruel, Cruel World… first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.