It’s a tough world out there for us singles, right? “There are no good ones out there” is something you hear on the lips of single people just as often in North Dakota as in New York City. When you’re looking for your soul mate, it seems like it’s the same story everywhere—regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, or political affiliation. On the other hand, sometimes it seems everyone “out there” has got what we don’t and what we want.

Is it as bad out there as you think it is?

For HSPs, the dating world can appear to present even more of a challenge. The traits that HSPs exhibit can be off-putting to others in ways we cannot even comprehend. Of, if we do understand the effect we have on people, we’ve already come to the conclusion that we really don’t want to change and question why we should in the first place.

The paradox of HSP-ism

The two faces of HSP-ism are where the paradox lies. We want to be ourselves. We want nothing more than to relish, celebrate, and love our sensitivities. But, out in the world, we feel constantly bombarded by the oppressiveness of “other.” The other way people think and feel. What they believe and value. What they want from us and what they want to share with us.

We find ourselves at a loss.

When we’re looking at evolving a potentially intimate relationship, there are so many ways the mind can keep us trapped. HSPs tend to leap impulsively ahead . . . or refuse to ever risk taking the leap. HSPs feel the need to share who they are right away . . . or stay locked in a box with the key inside. HSPs crave closeness . . . but have learned that their idea of closeness is usually not the same as other people’s.

What to do?

I can only offer my experience as a single hetero woman whose husband died 10 years ago, who is, on the scale of HSP-ness, a probable 8.5 out of 10, and as someone who’s been dating for a while now. Still, I believe this advice will serve anyone who’s a high sensitive and interested in pursuing an intimate relationship without the usual fear and trepidation or avoidance.

How to date when you’re an HSP

Sorry, but there’s no other way . . .

I really don’t like hitting the nail on the head over and over and over, but honestly? There’s no other way to say this. When you have established what it feels like to be in your own alignment, and you know how good that feels, you begin to not only draw to you the kinds of potential partners you’d like to have in your life, but you also aren’t disappointed in those who don’t meet your hopes and expectations.

When you’re no longer focused on what people will think of you, of how nervous or worried or fearful or defensive or anxious or jumpy you feel, it’s a lot easier to be in any situation, on any kind of date, and simply be there.

Focusing on maintaining your alignment is your sole focus. Sure, you’re interested in the person in front of you, learning about them, but that’s secondary to how YOU feel about YOU.

Dates become interesting. You go in with curiosity, not fear, anxiety, or defensiveness. When you’re an aware HSP, you go into every dating situation being your authentic self and being okay with whatever goes down. Your sensitivities provide insight, but, because your psychic octopus energetic tentacles are reeled in, you don’t feel like you’re noodling around in your date or losing yourself to the situation.

You’re you. You’re amazing. And you’re fine.

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Keep an eye out for my new book, soon to be published: Elevating Your HSP-ness: How To Live a High-Frequency Life by Amplifying Your Vibration, Celebrating Your Sensitivities, & Uplifting the World

Check out my articles on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System.

Thank you for shining your light into the world!

The post The HSP-ness of Being Single, Dating, and Disillusioned first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.