BREATHE

She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,

And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

By: Becky Hemsley

I can relate, Becky Hemsley. I can definitely relate.

I read this poem on Facebook and recognized, as did the person who posted it, how much it reflects the life so many of us have led as High Sensitives (of any gender!).

The image in the post shows a tree (enhanced by an artist, apparently) into the body of a woman stretching upward and outward toward the sky. While some might see the image suggesting a plea of “Why me?” it could also be suggestive of someone reaching to the skies, empowered and alive, and grounded into the earth and a sense of self.

I’ll take Door #2, please.

Today I had a client who arrived to see with with a whole boatload of fear and anxiety. This client is almost 90 years old and has been a teacher and psychotherapist for many years. For a lot of those years she has successfully worked on herself to unravel the emotional issues that seemed to bind her to old ways of thinking about herself and the world, and has helped numerous clients of her own on that journey. That’s why, when she found herself unexpectedly “triggered” bigtime by a situation that came up, she called me.

You see, no matter how much we grow, stretch, and reach for spiritual connection and evolution and the groundedness that goes along with it, we also need to realize that We. Are. Still. Human.

There will always be that part of us—often a deeply subconscious or hidden part—that remembers the way things were in The Past. That great vast valley of old insecurities that arise just at the exact moment we need them to remind us to once again step up to the plate…that it’s time to level up once more on our spiritual path.

Being human also means we cannot, nor should we have to, or feel we have to, go it alone. Healers and light workers and mediums and meditators and caregivers—we all need to connect with others in the community of HSPs when it gets tough to make sure our feet stay planted in the ground on that journey of leveling up.

We may all be human and we may all be individual trees, but we are all one human among other humans and one tree among all the other trees in the forest.

The post Life As An HSP Doesn’t Mean A Life of Going It Alone first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Getting shots has never been my idea of fun.

The past

When I was a little kid, my mother took us to a pediatrician named Dr. Glazer. Dr. Glazer was a brusque, no-nonsense kind of man. I assume he liked kids, being a kid doctor and all, but I was always sort of nervous around him. Sure, I only saw him for things like vaccines or when I was sick, but I never felt a bunch of warm fuzzies from the good doctor. Like I said, he was all business.

Case in point.

By the time came for the shot in the arm, I was already crying. Dr. Glazer and my mom muttered a few “Come on, now, it’s not that bad” and “It’ll be over before you know it” to placate me, but then things took a turn. Dr. Glazer, with a needle that seemed as long as his arm and raised above his head, would wheel his way from the counter to the examining table.  When he reached my side and took hold of my arm, my heart beat so fast I’d feel faint. And this is when he’d say, “I’m going to give you a little jab now, but you tell me when to stop, okay?”

A couple of seconds later, my eyes closed, I’d be crying, “Stop…stop, please stop” to see he had already removed the needle and was readying my arm to receive a Barbie Band-Aid and a lollipop. (It’s not like he was a dentist or anything. Although now, looking back on it, I sort of think doctors and dentists might be in cahoots like that.)

Anyway, the point is that there were several seconds—very, very long seconds—where I was sure that needle was still in my arm and panicking. Talk about trauma.

I’m willing to concede that Dr. Glazer probably used this little trick on all his small patients. And maybe it worked wonder with some of us with a fear of needles, though I don’t see how. I also understand how reverse psychology can work the same kind of wonder with some behavior trends. Again, though, not so much with me.

Why?

• Fear of the unknown.
• Fear of the known.
• Fear of the pain.
• Fear there might be pain.
• Fear that something that is sure to be painful will last a lot longer than you’ll be able to handle.

Need I go on?

The present

Today, being of a certain age, and having received quite a few shots in my time, I was not especially looking forward to the two vaccines I needed. In fact, as soon as I sat down in the chair and the technician started preparing her paraphernalia (I don’t even like saying the word “needle”), I closed my eyes and thought, Sometimes I wish I weren’t so darn sensitive.

The event

But then . . .

Guess what happened? I kind of Zenned out. I pulled in my little Psychic Octopus and told myself it would be over in seconds and I’d forget all about it. That I was grateful for the ability to receive the shot. That whatever it was in the shot would keep me healthy and that I was accepting it willingly and with loving intention.

And by the time I’d completed my little ritual of gratitude and self-awareness, the ordeal–the shot–really was over and the technician was placing a bright red Band-Aid on my arm. (No, no Barbie Band-Aids this time—which is fine because I’d never played with Barbie dolls anyway. I did note the box of min-Tootsie Roll Pops in the corner, but stifled my feeling of deservedness post-shot.)

What my HSP-ness has taught me to do

As an HSP, over time, and with the tools I’ve developed, I’ve learned to “unanticipate” certain events. Instead of spending my time and energy wishing I didn’t have to do something, anticipating how difficult or horrible or challenging or disturbing or sad or uncomfortable or painful an event might be, I think about other things. I remind myself that “this time tomorrow it’ll all be over” and “I’d rather be thinking about other things I like to think about.”

I don’t really know for sure whether the energies I’d pick up in the past were from other people in the environment, like doctors, nurses, other patients, my mother, etc., or were of my own projection, but being inside my own energy is such a relief.

My prescription? The HSP Prescription: Take One Dose of the HSP Toolbox Daily

Take one capsule of Psychic Octopus, one capsule of Being in Your Own Unique Alignment, and one capsule of Self-Love daily for symptoms—and celebration– of your HSP-ness.

The post The HSP Prescription: Take One Dose of the HSP Toolbox Daily first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

It’s no wonder that being a person with heightened sensitivities carries with it an extra charge around the experience of loss. I mean, think about it. Put a person that experiences your deeper than average feelings and sensations and add the death of someone beloved? It’s a recipe for combustion.

But it’s also a recipe for freedom.

It’s really not enough to say, “I’m more sensitive, so of course I’m going to be more affected.” The fact is that we are constantly looking for ways to express how we feel—the freedom to express how we feel—because so much of our time is spent trying not to express how we feel. You  know, all the sticky stuff. The things for other people that may seem all in a day’s work, but for us mean trepidation or panic or pain or exhaustion.

What happens when death is involved

In our society, when you lose someone to death, suddenly an opening occurs. You are offered a sort of reprieve from the “buck up and deal with it” way of life. People are more willing to let you cry openly, talk about your feelings, reveal your emotional state through what you say, do, eat, or undertake. Even if it still makes them miserably uncomfortable.

In other words, grieving becomes a logical reason for your emotional state, which somehow makes it easier and more acceptable for others to handle.

Is grieving a good thing?

The thing about grief is that being in that state also makes it okay for us. You know, the ones who are doing the grieving. It opens the door for our more authentic selves to peek through the curtains behind which we are constantly, dedicatedly, hiding. We get more leeway to be who we are, act the way we might act, and respond the way we might respond when we can point to loss as the reason behind it all.

I’m not saying that we are using death as an excuse! All I’m saying is that it takes an inordinate amount of energy to plug the valve of your state of being on a constant basis. Energy to control, mitigate, calm, or annihilate through whatever means you decide works for you. Is it food? Or drugs? Or isolation? Whatever it is, it takes a powerfully high level of energy to deflect attention from the state of your being. It’s as if we’re storing it up like a bunch of nuts in a squirrel’s hideaway that we never get to use unless something “acceptable” comes along. Something like death.

Death sucks

I’m also not saying that death of someone you love (or have any kind of relationship with) isn’t a big deal. In fact, there’s pretty much nothing like it on the scale of what sucks. Still, I know that if I hadn’t been so weighed down, so burdened by my own need to hide what I felt about everything under the sun, I might not have collapsed so completely upon the death of my husband. The plug in the value came off and out came years of repressed, suppressed freak-out.

The first step in not feeling you have to hide is accepting your HSP-ness for what it is: A true blessing. In order to do that, we need to dedicate ourselves to knowing there is another answer beyond “coping.” A much easier, user-friendly approach that is committed to opening, heightening, and exemplifying.

We all admit that loss and death are part of life, but that doesn’t usually help us when the time comes to deal with it. As a Highly Sensitive Person, though, death does not have to crush us like a bolder on an ant.

Know yourself. Express yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself. That’s where it all starts.

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Check out my posts on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System.

Thank you for shining your light into the world!

The post Death, Loss, & The HSP first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

Today I met with someone who labeled himself as “autistic, on the spectrum.” I really wanted to know what that label meant to him. As our conversation deepened, it occurred to me that many of the ways he was describing himself sounded a lot like the ways HSPs describes themselves. Which got me to wondering where the overlap was, where HSP-ness and autism might coexist. I’m fairly sure the list of triggers looks something like this:

• You feel unsure, uncomfortable, anxious in social situations
• You are easily overstimulated, overwhelmed
• You find it hard to understand signals from other people—even if you feel what they’re feeling intensely
• You find it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own
• You find it hard to express how you feel—even when/if you’re feeling what you feel intensely
• You feel out of place in the world in general

I do not raise this question to challenge anyone’s labeling of others or labeling of self. If the label is helpful, wear it! On the other hand, I’m all about moving past the label into a higher/deeper sense of awareness and consciousness around that label to get to a shift in dynamics, perspective, and quality of life.

Living with the label

It seems to me that whichever label you choose, if you “suffer” from any or all of the responses listed above, what really matters is what to do about it. Today, for example, it was interesting to note that “John” led the conversation with a disclaimer. “It took me a long time to learn I was autistic. My ex-wife and I had always agreed that ‘something was wrong with me, that there was something missing.’”

What’s even more interesting is that so many of the people who come to see me start out with the same kind of disclaimer. “It’s just that I’m too sensitive about everything. I cry too much. I feel too much. I don’t want to be this way, but I don’t know how to stop.”

What if . . . ?

What if we were to ask different questions? What if we asked:

• How our perception of who we are might change based on how we labeled ourselves.
• How the traits we do have benefit us in ways we may not have appreciated before.
• How, instead of locking down, shutting out, tuning out, hiding, etc., we might tune into the senses we have to fully take advantage of them.

For example, I know someone who “is autistic,” who is clearly much more intuitive than he gives himself credit for. He’d rather be just about anywhere than in a crowd of people. Ditto for another person I know who is “highly sensitive.”

We are not talking about extremes! HSP-ism and autism both run the gamut in terms of symptoms and manifestations. With that said, once we change our approach, new doors open, new possibilities emerge, new ways of thinking and living and being often encourage a shift in the core of the Self.

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Check out my posts on the Psychic Octopus (globbing onto other people’s energy); your UES (how to identify and stay in your Unique Energetic Signature); and your IGS (how to confidently and consistently tap into your Intuitive Guidance System. Visit me at heidiconnolly.com for private coaching sessions, healing music, and other offerings.

Thank you for shining your light into the world!

The post HSP or Autistic? How much does a label matter? first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.

My friend Helen shared a technique she uses with me years ago. At the time, I had no idea what she was talking about.

Maybe you’ll feel like that right now. But it’s okay. Because the more you learn about what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person who appreciates your sensitivities and celebrates your sensitivities, the easier it will be to live inside them.

When you live inside your sensitivities comfortably instead of spending your life attempting to hide from them–or hide them from the world–things like fear and anxiety naturally recede.

The easiest technique you’ll ever use

Helen told me that whenever she felt out of sorts, overwhelmed, or generally “beside herself,” she would close her eyes and repeat the following:

“Helen. Only Helen. In Helen’s body; Helen. Only Helen. In Helen’s body.”

I could see what it did for her. Instantly, I could feel a difference in her energy–even though at the time I didn’t know what’s what I was feeling and I wouldn’t have called it that. Still, something had changed in that moment. She seemed less scattered. More focused. Sort of pulled together in a way she hadn’t been moments before.

Helen said it was a way to ground herself in her own body. To remind herself that, although she was one with everything on a spiritual level, when it came to being human, she had to keep her energetic body to herself. When she didn’t, she ended up feeling what others around her were feeling and responding unconsciously to all their stuff. In other words, she was picking up what they were putting down and letting it lead her by the nose. Even if she had no idea that was happening.

To my way of thinking now, “Helen. Only Helen. In Helen’s body” was a way to remind herself to pull in her Psychic Octopus, to align with her Unique Energetic Signature, and to feel more at peace.

Using it whenever you need it

I use this technique as a quick, easy way to jump back into alignment when I’m in traffic or in a long line or on hold on the phone and feeling impatient. When I’m talking with someone who’s unloading on me and I feel like I can’t simply make a speedy exit. If and when I can actually feel my SELF ebbing away due to the powerfully, often unconscious, determined nature of the other individual.

You see, there are lots of people who have very little compunction about forcing their energy on others. This can come in the form of a strong opinion or a loud voice. Maybe standing inside your personal space to the point where you’re squirming and need to step back. I’m not saying these people are necessarily doing it on purpose. They may even be aware they’re doing something that makes people uncomfortable, but don’t know how not to do it.

Believe it or not, often these people are HSPs, too (Link here to find out if this is you). They might not seem like it. In fact, they may appear to be the opposite–forcefully forcing themselves, their opinions, and their needs on others. More often than not, however, this is because at some point early on they learned that this kind of behavior was a brilliantly successful defense mechanism. Sadly, while it certainly can help protect them from other people by pushing them away, it also . . . well . . . pushes them away. It rejects people before people can ever have the chance of rejecting them.

The post How High Sensitives Can Get Into Instant Alignment first appeared on Elevate Your HSP-ness!.