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The Language of the Emotions<\/h2>\n
The only thing he\u2019d tell me\u2014my husband who passed in 2012\u2014and only after many months of asking, was that it was the only written bit of \u201chis language,\u201d the one he was born with and had never shared with anyone, the one he\u2019d never heard anywhere else from anyone else. He called it the \u201cLanguage of the Emotions.\u201d<\/a> As our relationship grew, Randy used to speak words of this language to me, mostly during intimate moments, but also when verbalizing during times of extreme emotion, as if there were no other way to articulate what he was feeling without its use. Looking back, it doesn\u2019t really surprise me that English was actually his second language, given his dyslexia and problems with spelling and grammar.<\/p>\n The other thing Randy always did that left me wondering who exactly this brilliant guy was that I\u2019d fallen in love with who held a steady job, but was also one of the weirdest people I\u2019d ever met, was to sign his name with little superscripts at the end, like this: Randy Connolly*\u201d Again, I had to be content with the non-answer I usually got until, one day, he admitted that the asterisk and quotation mark were his way of nodding his thanks to the Great Mother and the Great Father of the Great Oneness.<\/p>\n Several amazing events have taken place over time that have revealed just how these things are connected, and just how deep their meaning goes. A few weeks ago, I was listening to a chakra meditation my good friend and author Sherri Cortland<\/a> has on her website in which she takes you through a chakra clearing and balancing that incorporates chanting syllables that relate to each chakra\u2019s energy. I responded strongly to the meditation, but the real kick came when I asked myself What if\u2026.?<\/em> What if the single-syllabic tonal chakra chants were similar to Randy\u2019s language? What if the syllables of \u201cRa,\u201d \u201cYa,\u201d \u201cKoo,\u201d \u201cMa,\u201d and \u201cYee\u201d each had a meaning beyond an emotional communication?\u00a0 And why the heck hadn\u2019t I ever thought of asking that before?<\/p>\n Flashback to about 12 years ago, as Randy made his transition and spoke his language for the last time. Only a few words, but words that would matter more than I can say. I felt the circumstances even more painfully because, as he lay dying, he also kept pushing me away. Literally pushing away the love of his life. His wife. His partner. I was pretty hysterical at that point. Let\u2019s face it, who wants to be rejected at a time like that by the one you love? And so I sat and cried a couple of feet away, not knowing what to do, afraid to watch as he took his last breaths.<\/p>\n Not only didn\u2019t I realize what I was doing with my hands, which, it turns out, were, of their own volition, fiddling with a tape recorder on the table, but, because I couldn\u2019t see through my tears, I wasn\u2019t aware that I\u2019d pressed the PLAY button. In fact, it wasn\u2019t until months later when I turned the recorder back on that I heard the few precious syllables of Randy as he spoke his final words\u2026in \u201chis language.\u201d And it wasn\u2019t until a couple of years after that, at one of the recording sessions for my audiobook of Crossing the Rubicon<\/em><\/a>, the producer said, \u201cGee, it\u2019s too bad we don\u2019t have any audio of Randy. It would be a perfect way to incorporate his energy into the book since he wrote it with you after he died, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Right.<\/p>\n Which is when I shared the recording with a medium I knew who was able to translate the words for me: \u201cGoodbye, my love\u2026I\u2019m coming home.\u201d<\/p>\n This message was exactly what I needed. The one that would, at long last, shift the energy of shame I had been carrying since Randy\u2019s death.<\/p>\n Randy always said he (we) came from another planet. That his real name was Two Lakes of the Star Clan. When he napped, I found myself imploring him to remember to come back to me because he always seemed to go so far away when he slept. Now I had my answer. He was not pushing me away because he didn\u2019t want my love. He was pushing me away so he could \u201ccome home.\u201d Apparently, the more I held onto him, the less his spirit and his body could do what they had to do\u2014leave the physical realm.<\/p>\n Fast forward to a few weeks ago. As I said, I\u2019d meditated to Sherri\u2019s guided chakra meditation and suddenly got it in my head to research each of the syllables of \u201cRa,\u201d \u201cYa,\u201d \u201cKoo,\u201d \u201cMa,\u201d and \u201cYee.\u201d What I found, if revelations are ever really \u201cfound,\u201d was both obvious and mind blowing.<\/p>\n Bear in mind that Randy misspelled everything, so I had to be generous with my own spelling as I researched.<\/p>\n To me, and I know to Randy who felt strongly on the matter, one finds the kingdom of God within. So if \u201cye\u201d is the plural of \u201cyou,\u201d we are all Gods\u2026God is within each one of us. We are all God and everything is included in that oneness.<\/p>\n Is the trajectory of these events and discoveries beginning to come together for you as it did for me? Because between the gods and the goddesses and the oneness, we\u2019ve pretty much covered the territory of Randy\u2019s daily reminders: the way to consistently express his powerful belief that he was a spiritual being having a human experience<\/a>\u2014and was grateful for that opportunity.<\/p>\n Every time he signed his name. Every time he climbed into his car. His way to give a nod of thanks to the Universe.<\/p>\n I keep Randy\u2019s original printed 4\u201d x 11\u201d \u201cRA YA KOO MA YEE\u201d sign on my desk. Over the years it\u2019s been on a shelf, in a filing cabinet, packed away, and misplaced. Since chanting the tonalities of the chakras and feeling the frequency of the sounds, however, it has taken on a whole new meaning and will continue to sit front and center in my life.<\/p>\n\n
It was his way to give a nod of thanks to the Universe.<\/h2>\n
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